A&H

Can't do anything right

James Freeth

James Freeth

New Member
Level 9 Referee
Had a game today only my second game and I feel it was a bad game on my part.
How do you react after you've had a bad game?
Had more grief from one side the losing side but one or two from the winning side pushed their luck. I had to book a player for dissent telling me to f*** off your s*** had players telling me sort it get control of the game etc.
Just not feeling particularly positive about that game.

SM NOTE: please read my post below before replying. Thank you.
 
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It can be tough having a game like this, but I try and do break it down into things that I need to improve on, and things I feel went well.

Generally you will find that the things that went well will out number the things that didn't.

Then pick a couple of the things that didn't go well to improve in your next match.

You also need to remember some teams will blame you and get on your back regardless of how well you're doing, some of it is mind games (hoping to influence your decisions), and some of it is just simply some players are ****s.

Is there someone who can go to your next match, like a mentor or someone from your RA (if you're a member)?
 
Look at what you think you didnt do well and think how you might handle it differently.
But also look at what you did well too so you knw what to carry on doing. Maybe share some incidents and how you handled them and some more specific advice can be given.
Ps some on this forum who will want to know why you cautioned him when as described thats OFFINABUS as opposed to dissent and should have been red. Dissent is a disagreement with your decision. Outright calling you fing poo should be dealt with at a more serious level. :redcard:
 
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It's only my second game so go easy on me I'm here to learn and improve. If I had shown a red for that I can just picture the confrontation that would ensue. Should this be a case of just do it and deal with that when it happens or is there a way to prevent that?
 
To nip this in the bud - that is not dissent mate. It's clear OFFINABUS - straight red needed.

Now, a reminder; this is a new referee learning his trade, this is his second game. The point over this not being dissent has been made. Let's not dwell on it from now on please. Can further posts be constructive and supportive around moving on from such games (and we all have them).

Thank you for your cooperation.

@James Freeth - a red is a red. Not showing the red for such an offence actually encourages further bad behaviour because players quickly cotton on that you didn't really deal with what was said. What you don't punish, you encourage. As for reaction from team mates if a player does get sent off, if it is a warranted and consistent card, it will be accepted. And if not, then you deal with it with cautions for dissent or further reds if required.

:D
 
however well you do players will always moan, but however much they criticise we usually criticise ourselves more. I think you're being too hard on yourself. I'm sure you got a lot more right than wrong, and as it's your second game you won't be the finished article yet. You will make mistakes, but not as many as the players think, and probably not as many as they make!
Well done for cautioning the player, because however many times you practice it's harder when it's real - at least you dealt with it. And posting it on here means that next time (sorry, there'll be a next time!) you'll be more confident that it should be a dismissal.
As SM says, don't worry about the repercussions because usually the players will accept it, and if they don't you have the tools to deal with it.
Try to think of a thing you did well for every thing you think you did badly. At first you may not think there was much that went well, but if you think about it you'll see you got a lot more right than wrong.
Then if you think about what wasn't so good there's usually either a reason for it - i.e. I was unsighted or out of position - or it wasn't actually wrong at all, it's just the players said it was so you thought it was.
Keep it up and welcome to the team
 
Managing the game is a completely different skill to making good refereeing decisions. The ref who has mastered match control after 2 games does not exist. So, go easy on yourself.

No matter how many games you do there will still be games that make you wonder why you bother. But it happens less frequently as you learn to control the match. Really, there is no substitute for experience. Advice from other referees can help.

It's unusual for a player to say "f*ck off you're sh*t" completely out of the blue. Maybe he said something less offensive earlier in the game that might have warranted a quite word (or a loud word) earlier. Or maybe one of his teammates, or a player on the other team, was critical of a decision that you might have addressed with a 'calm down' signal.

Or, maybe not. Sometimes you just get a lunatic.
 
You are on a steep learning curve at the start of any career, it slightly flattens after a few years but its always a gradient. You have to earn your stripes in the players eyes.. They can smell fear, they can sense a newbie, they play on the weakness of your greenness. I went down the be Mr B'stard route, took a few quid for the FA along the way but after 2-3 seasons they see you turn up and half the issues disappear.

Of course its a red, but I understand where you are in your mind when this initially happens. You want to be popular but no matter what you do you will upset someone.. Its par for the course unfortunately! Chin up, learn from the advice offered and have a practice of shoving a cherry up someones nose in the mirror!! :redcard::redcard::redcard:
 
Every referee will have the occasional game where it just all goes wrong, and the harder they work to put it right the worse it gets. I had it in a contrib game in front of 1,000 people where I just couldn't even buy a correct decision, and Kevin Friend has had it today in front of millions. I just wanted to floor to open and swallow me up, and I'm sure Mr Friend was the same today.

It is to be expected in just your second game, just try to focus on what you might have done wrong and then work on tactics to try to stop you making the same mistakes. If you have access to a mentor, or anyone qualified who can watch you from the sideline, then that will almost certainly help.
 
I'd take some time and go back through the game in your mind (or write it down if that helps) and just think about what, with hindsight, could you have done differently.

It sounds like you didn't give a red because you felt it would have severely compromised your match control. That's a perfectly natural reaction, but I'd suggest that if you're worried about losing the players so much it's allowing them to swear aggressively at you, you've probably already lost them. Instead of focussing on that one incident think about how you could have managed the game before that point. Was there earlier dissent that you could have stamped down on that would have headed off the swearing player? Did he do something earlier in the game where you could have made it clear you wouldn't take anymore?

But make sure to also write down the things you did well, or felt went well about the game. I suspect there was far more that went right than you're giving yourself credit for, because we naturally tend to focus on what went wrong. Think about fouls you identified correctly, were your signals clear, was your timekeeping good etc? It's important to always have a positive out of every game as well as some development points.

Most important thing is don't be too hard on yourself. It's your 2nd game, and there really is no substitute for experience when it comes to this stuff. You will have other games like this, but the further you get along the line they'll be far less frequent. I'd speak to your association and ask about mentoring, so you can have someone come and watch a few games and give you some tips.
 
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You will learn more from this game than loads of easy games. It is a massive learning curve and I wouldn't have liked to have gone straight into OA. See if you can get u15/U16/U18 games as well Youth is a good way to build confidence when you have first started and try to get some lines under your belt that is a great learning tool for a newly qualified ref
 
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