A&H

Youth football; sending parents away

Rhysob99

New Member
Level 8 Referee
so I was just wondering, at what point do you send a parent away from a youth game (mini soccer)?
In a game I've had before (U10) a manager was complaining about a foul on one of his players. He used the phrase "he's having a nibble". Since then, parents on the other side of the pitch was shouting over at the manager mimicking the manager and then shouting other stuff over, one parent worse than the rest. For me, the referee, it was something that was distracting me and I also thought to myself, it wasn't an attitude to perform in front of their children and it wasn't an atmosphere for children to play football in. I went over to the parents who were shouting over at the manager to ask them to stop. The parent who was worse than the rest carried on so I stopped the game again to tell him to stop otherwise I would send him away, should I have sent him away?
 
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The Referee Store
Firstly, welcome on recognising the problem.

However, it is not your responsibility to dismiss parents from the area. Approach the relevant club officials and speak with them about the attitude of the parent. Tell them to deal with them, and if they don't, tell them to remove them from the area or you will abandon the game.

Dealing with the parent could lead to them swearing to you directly, which leads to a club report to your County FA, or worse. The clubs are responsible for their spectators.
 
Firstly, welcome on recognising the problem.

However, it is not your responsibility to dismiss parents from the area. Approach the relevant club officials and speak with them about the attitude of the parent. Tell them to deal with them, and if they don't, tell them to remove them from the area or you will abandon the game.

Dealing with the parent could lead to them swearing to you directly, which leads to a club report to your County FA, or worse. The clubs are responsible for their spectators.

Thank you for the reply. That is really strange because throughout when I played football at youth level, there was a few occasions where referees would send parents away.
 
I agreed with lincs22. Don't approach any parents or supporters yourself, always do it through team officials.
 
Thank you for the reply. That is really strange because throughout when I played football at youth level, there was a few occasions where referees would send parents away.
I don't doubt it. What Lincs22 describes is what we're currently taught to do as best practice. It's possible that the guidelines have changed and/or it's possible that some referees feel a more direct approach is more effective.

For a beginner referee, I'd absolutely recommend using team officials - apart from anything else, they probably know the parents in question and can just tell them to stop being a knob. Once you have more experience, there may be occasions where you feel it's appropriate to contact the parent directly, however I'd always be very cautious doing this.
 
I've done it once before, I think (back in the day!) and it was a case of approaching the Home manager.

It was clear the offender was someone who did this regularly: All the parents were on one side of the pitch, _apart from this one person_ which made him stand out even more. As a result, the manager was very swift to arrange action, and I think the offender started moving away before he was even asked...
 
The general advice I have been told, heard and read is get the team's coaching staff to deal with parents, however I get the perception that many at matches believe it's the referee's responsibility.

I have in the past tried to deal with parents/spectators directly, sometimes it can work in your favour, other times it can backfire and cause you more grief than it's worth especially at U8s!

During an U13s game a couple of seasons ago, I did directly deal with and remove the elderly grandfather of an away team player and got widely praised by parents from both sides for my handling of the situation. Guy was an idiot of the highest order. I was unaware at the time he had been asked by several parents during the first half not to stand by the goal and to join the rest of the spectators who behind the respect line at the side of the pitch. About half way through the first half as the sides & I were taking our places for a corner I heard some shouting from the vicinity of the home goal and noticed the guy standing close to the post barking instructions to a player. I politely asked the man to remove himself from the goal area and join the other parents, which he did, but somewhat slowly. 2nd half, home keeper clatters away attacker on the goal line, but as the ball had already crossed the line couldn't give a foul and pointed for the goal kick. As I was about to speak to the keeper regarding the challenge, the was a loud shout of "That's a penalty ref" blah blah blah. Look up to see the same gentleman standing in close proximity to the goal. This time was a bit more forceful in my "remove yourself from the goal area and stay with the other parents" approach. Said idiot decides to give the 13 year old keeper a few verbals as well. So I gave him a final "move or leave" ultimatum. He moved to a position along the side near to the corner flag with a few more verbals and a final warning to behave from myself.

Went and spoke to the manager of the away side, who was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, and made it clear the behaviour and attitude wouldn't be tolerated, manager wasn't interest in dealing with said idiot and denied he was even with their team. Short time later, everyone is taking their positions for another home team goal kick, I noticed same idiot having a rather heated exchange with the home CAR. Held the game up again and went over to find out what was going on, when both the keeper and the CAR informed me the guy had continued to abuse the keeper from the sidelines. It was at this point I told numpty to remove himself from the vicinity of the pitch and well out of shouting distance, making it clear to him and everyone else around that his behaviour was completely unacceptable and the game would not continue until he was gone. Several away team parents told me "He's always like this" and thanked me for getting rid of him.

Post match reports made by myself and home club, heard through a 3rd party the away team received a fine.
 
When i referee a match with parents spectating, I always approach the home manager and tell him as he is the home manager it is his responsibility to control spectators around the pitch and if anything were to " kick off" he was to sort the ensuing problem. Only on one occasion i have had to approach a parent( male) who wouldn't listen to the manager and i warned him if he didn't behave himself I would abandon the game ( public park, would have been difficult to send him from the vicinity) happily for everyone he apologised and was quiet for the rest of the match.
 
Fortunately I have only ever had to deal with this once.

Academy game, U13. Home team were a very very very dirty side, away team were very lightweight.

Home team made a challenge on probably one of the smallest away players, it was a hard challenge, but nothing worthy of a free kick. At the time I didn't realise he had gone down, as I was in with play only for the manager to shout and I stopped play.
As I ran over to check the injured player, I was approached by an away spectator who proceded to call me F'in this and F'in that infront of 22 12-13 year olds, because I hadn't realized the player was injured for about 3 seconds.

I completely ignored it and made sure the player was okay along with the away manager. Once the player was fine, I then asked the away manager to have a word with this spectator and tell him it would not be tolerated, and if it continues he would be sent away or game abandoned. Anyway, the away manager actually went steaming over to him and told him where to go..! He apologised to me afterwards and told me they don't allow him to the home games as he causes problems.

Best way to go about it is always through officials, as you don't know what this spectator is like.
 
I sent away a Grandad many moons ago (Kids game), 2-3 warnings to the Manager, this complete tosspot of a manager dig nothing though, not even a word!! 'So I did it myself, 'Go and sit in your car or I abandon'.... He was then ceremonially frogmarched to his car by some other parents as their team was winning in a tight game!!! Absolute tool!!!
 
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What about Open Age?

I had a game a while back where a spectator told me (directly, from about 15 yards) to F*** Off.

I spoke to home team manager, as much use a chocolate fire guard: "He's an away team supporter" As I returned to the pitch I did speak to the away team captain, who, to be fair, told the spectator to shut up. But I felt I had little support that day, my match control began to ebb, although players I did manage to contain, the specators from both sides continued to make comments for the rest of the game. This was lowest rung of grass roots (open age).

Seriously considered packing it in after this game - if all games were like this I wouldn't continue, but fortunately it was the exception and not the rule.
 
What about Open Age?

I had a game a while back where a spectator told me (directly, from about 15 yards) to F*** Off.

I spoke to home team manager, as much use a chocolate fire guard: "He's an away team supporter" As I returned to the pitch I did speak to the away team captain, who, to be fair, told the spectator to shut up. But I felt I had little support that day, my match control began to ebb, although players I did manage to contain, the specators from both sides continued to make comments for the rest of the game. This was lowest rung of grass roots (open age).

Seriously considered packing it in after this game - if all games were like this I wouldn't continue, but fortunately it was the exception and not the rule.

It is the Home club that is responsible for the conduct of ALL supporters. While he may be with the Away team, if there was an incident, the Home club would be held liable for not controlling the spectators. This applies whether it is a closed area or open park.

Ultimately, if you feel you cannot continue because of the attitude of any spectators - abandon, go home, report and let the league and FA apportion blame. I know you they will charge first!

No referee should not feel in danger due to a football match.
 
It is the Home club that is responsible for the conduct of ALL supporters. While he may be with the Away team, if there was an incident, the Home club would be held liable for not controlling the spectators. This applies whether it is a closed area or open park.

Ultimately, if you feel you cannot continue because of the attitude of any spectators - abandon, go home, report and let the league and FA apportion blame. I know you they will charge first!

No referee should not feel in danger due to a football match.
I agree, if spectators constantly abused me with no control from the home manager i would abandon the game, i'm not there to be abused......
 
For adults it really depends on the level. If it is in a private ground with fee paying spectators and a fenced off pitch, so realistically step 6/7 or higher, then you aren't going to get any thanks for abandoning because a spectator swore at you. If you are really bothered then get someone from the home team to try and deal with it, but in reality if you have any aspiration of getting to L4 or higher you have to accept that you will be called every name under the sun by spectators.

The key thing it, whatever the level of age group, never approach the spectator yourself and always get the home club to do it (even if it is an away team spectator or even club official).
 
Just for clarity, the game I allude to above was right down at or around the bottom rungs of the footballing ladder. I never felt in danger. I'll hold my hands up - was probably my worse game of the season, but as a result was probably the game I learned the most from.

One of the things I learned was to let comments from the crowd just wash over me. I found myself breaking into a rye small recently when, in the last 10 mins of a closely contested 1-0 match, I replied to one of the players asking how long was left. "How's he got that time?" came a howl from the side. "From my not one, not two, but three clocks" I use to track time I felt like replying (but didn't) There may well be some validity in questioning all my other decisions, but time is pretty absolute. I realised that you aint going to please all of the people all of the time, so don't let it bother you.
 
Just for clarity, the game I allude to above was right down at or around the bottom rungs of the footballing ladder. I never felt in danger. I'll hold my hands up - was probably my worse game of the season, but as a result was probably the game I learned the most from.

One of the things I learned was to let comments from the crowd just wash over me. I found myself breaking into a rye small recently when, in the last 10 mins of a closely contested 1-0 match, I replied to one of the players asking how long was left. "How's he got that time?" came a howl from the side. "From my not one, not two, but three clocks" I use to track time I felt like replying (but didn't) There may well be some validity in questioning all my other decisions, but time is pretty absolute. I realised that you aint going to please all of the people all of the time, so don't let it bother you.

I remember a junior tournament years ago when a manager attending to an injured child asked how long was left. I replied with the remaining time and received dogs abuse back. When I pointed out that he didn't even have a watch on all the 10 year olds began laughing at him. Some days are wonderful.
 
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