A&H

Manager abuse for goal decision

Do you think i was right in allowing the goal?

  • Yes

    Votes: 17 100.0%
  • No

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    17

megemilysx

New Member
Have been refereeing for about 5 months. Today I had my first real abuse, but I’m not sure whether I made the right decision. They were U8s and it was a league match.

Away team (reds) have the ball and are attacking. In the box the goalkeeper throws himself to get the ball, just gets his finger tips to it and it goes to the feet of another red. When the goalkeeper jumped to save he sort of threw himself in front of the player who had the ball, and the goalie was clutching his stomach. However the red team scored from it and it wasn’t a foul.

The home team manager marches on absolutely screaming at me that i’m useless, I can’t referee and that it was a foul and shouldn’t have been a goal. I explain the decision and he starts swearing and sqarinv up to me. Bearing in mind I’m a 15 year old girl, I was terrified. Then the home team players starting swearing at me too, and they were only 7.

For the rest of the game to home manager swore about everything I did, and the goalie bolted the ball as far as he could and kept swearing at me.

I would have stopped the game because he was injured if the reds hadn’t scored within seconds, but it would have been extremely unfair. It has been reported and found out that he has been saying how hopeless I am to other managers and that I should never referee again.

Game ended 4-2 to the reds. Wemt off in tears to my mum and then the manager continued to follow me and scream. Honestly never want to referee a game again at this point.

Do you think i made the right decision?
 
The Referee Store
Hi @megemilysx . I am sorry that you had to go through this. Hope you are okay now.

Firstly, there are two different things in your post. One is about your decision and the other is about the abuse. Abuse is a far, far, far bigger issue here and is never acceptable or excusable no matter what. Don't ever think you should expect it because you may have made a mistake.

It is extremely important that you get plenty of support after going through an experience like this. I am sure you would have talked to your mum/parents about it. Make sure you also call the support person in your referee organisation (refsec, RDO, child protection officer... depending on your orgaisation) and tell them about your experience. Formally reporting the experience comes next which your support person can help you with. Ask if you are not sure what to do. If this is not reported, the team and the manager will get away with it and will do it to the next referee too.

On the smaller matter of the challenge, its one of those you would have to see to be sure but by the sound of it you made the correct decision.
 
Please, please do report that abuse. It sounds absolutely shocking and the manager should be ashamed of himself (totally regardless of whether your original decision was right or wrong).

I really hope you do continue refereeing. The fact that you are on here asking for advice bodes well. Assuming you do, the other thing to bear in mind is that you have tools to (attempt to) deal with such situations. Managers can /should be warned or removed when their behaviour is unacceptable. Most times this follows a stepped approach (Ask, Tell, Remove) but in extreme circumstances you can dismiss a manager for a first offence .... this situation sounds like one of those circumstances!

Good luck in the future, keep smiling
 
I’m sorry for your experience, it seems this team and manager need a lesson in respect...
bear in mind the age group - the results aren’t of relevance.
Move on to the next match and know that you’re stronger for the experience - even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.
As long as you were in the action - this decision can be sold all day long.
Sounds like this manager didn’t want to listen to any reasoning - and you’ll probably find out that it was his son...
Don’t let this idiot put you off...
Out of interest - what did the other manager say on your performance... I know which opinion i’d value.
 
To echo what's been said. The way you have explained this incident shows that, not only will you make a great referee, you already are one.

The manager in question will hopefully be punished. And it's disgraceful behaviour no matter the age of the players or the referee.

As said, you made a good decision. For the the future, how can you handle this kind of abuse? This kind if flare up is difficult to anticipate. Public warnings for managers work at the first signs of dissent.

What about the players? You can think about how to deal with abuse from players in future. The best advice is: use your cards immediately.

One more thought: next time you ref be open minded. Of course you will be thinking of this incident and prepared for the worst, but remember every game is different, every big decision needs to be taken as it comes.
 
If I was the league boss, I have long said, if abuse cases like this were proven, then I would simply ban the individual concerned, for life, no appeal, nothing
Not only is he disgracing himself, he is disgracing the game, upsetting a new referee and being the worst possible example to his team of kids.
As I said on another post only last week, esp at such an impressionable age, you often find a teams behaviour mirror that of the sideline
Re the goal, in the grand scale of things, its not important.
What you can do next is what I suppose every referee has had to do, and thats, having done your reports and spoken to a local colleague or whoever, is, file the experience away in your head, do not allow it to play on your mind, he is not worth your thoughts, go back out there and continue to apply the lotg to the best of your ability, and look long term....he is an abusive loser who the game can do without...you on the other hand can forge a promising career, your opportunities are limitless, you really can be officiating at a high level within 5 or so years and in times to come you can take a look at your medal collection and smile and be proud of where you are in the game, whilst guys like this will be watching match of the day sunday morning rerun with a Stella hangover and the prospect of Asda shopping to look forward to in the afternoon.
Stick in, its worth it
 
I’m sorry for your experience, it seems this team and manager need a lesson in respect...
bear in mind the age group - the results aren’t of relevance.
Move on to the next match and know that you’re stronger for the experience - even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.
As long as you were in the action - this decision can be sold all day long.
Sounds like this manager didn’t want to listen to any reasoning - and you’ll probably find out that it was his son...
Don’t let this idiot put you off...
Out of interest - what did the other manager say on your performance... I know which opinion i’d value.

After the game when I was signing the match card he said I did great and that was the right decision from where he was stood ( he was on that side of the pitch ). He got my number off the league later to ask whether I was ok. He also had to give his version of of events, including the fact that he was talking about how bad I was before the game even started. Also turns out that the away manager had put 100 for me on the match card, and the home team manager scribbled it out and put 30 for both home and away. They’ve cleares this up now luckily
 
Wow! What an awful person that should know better in his position.
Report it officially. Next time try to remember you're the one in charge and he does what you say or suffers the consequences. I know it will be hard to do but it will get easier.
I'm also concerned about the language used by the players, sounds like offinabus to me. You could have and maybe should have sent the first one off, the rest may have then shut up.
Good luck, this place is good for advice and opinion but you also need to work with your county officials too.
 
Absolutely shocking!

No referee should ever been subjected to this kind of abuse at any level, let alone a 15 year old refereeing an u8's game!

Echo what the others have said already. I know it's difficult, but try not to let one disrespectful idiot, who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near youth football, put you off.
 
Hi megemilysx,
sorry to hear about you copping this. It's really disgraceful. It's actually quite terrifying to think that a grown man thinks it alright to spew that much abuse at a 15 year old girl. He's nothing but a predator, one one can only wonder how he treats women in other environments. Disgraceful.

It's also concerning that nobody else on his team stopped it. No parent should be allowing their coach to act like that.

But as you said, the kids started swearing at you too. So clearly the parents are okay with abuse and with their players acting like this.

Glad to hear you've had support from the league. The only other thing I would throw out is that there could have been consideration to send off the manager or even abandon the match. I don't know how it works if the manager is the only one at a youth match, perhaps others in the UK could comment on that. But given how far he has crossed the line, I would fully have supported abandonment here. He wasn't just abusive but he invaded the pitch and was physically aggressive (by invading your space).

As for the decision itself - this is a tricky one. As for allowing play to continue for a few moments even with the keeper down, I agree that it's not fair to stop play instantly just because a keeper grabs his ankle, tummy, whatever. With players this age though you're going to stop play pretty quickly. It's a tough situation because no matter what you do here you may be upsetting somebody, but I think your reasoning was sound. I've done similar, but in a mens' game - allowed play to continue for a few seconds with a keeper staying down on the ground and a goal was scored. My assessor said I was wrong - but this is an assessor who, when refereeing men's games, awards indirect free kicks for saying 'mine'. So, I already knew he knows absolutely nothing about the game. I know my decision was right - and your mentor said you got it right.

What you've been through is a very unusual situation. I've never seen anybody cop anything that severe at such a young age group.

The biggest confidence booster is often your next game. Go out there like this one never happened. Smile, signal quickly and strongly, use your whistle well (ie look confident), and when you walk off the field you'll feel better.

Glad to see you asking about your decisions and please, don't be afraid to keep posting on here lots with questions about decisions :)
 
Speak to your Referee Development Officer ASAP.....and your local RA if you are a member.

Do you have a mentor? If so, ask them for guidance on how to write the misconduct report that you absolutely HAVE To submit. If you don't have a mentor, just ask on here and I am sure any one of us will be willing to help you with the report. Just don't post personal details, or details that can identify teams or individuals on the public forum.....you can always do it by PM if necessary.
 
@megemilysx

I can only echo what other have said. I hope you are ok now, and continue to referee. There may be banter on this forum, but there will always be support for you.

From your postings, a few things to pick up on.

1. If the manager has alter the away teams mark on the match return, then report this to the league. This is cheating..... And the league committee will need to act.

2. While you have said you have reported this, but who to? You need to report the manager to the County FA, so they can take action. Additionally, as you are a 15 year old there is a safe guarding issue to consider. Please speak to the CFA welfare officer this week, so they can be aware. It could be that the manager has a history of bullying young officials, as that it what this is. The RESPECT campaign is there to eliminate this, so they his club need to manage his actions. Once the CFA charge the club, they will have to internally manage him.

The most important - go out next week and enjoy. Don't worry about the goal decision. You awarded so it is a goal regardless of what anybody else thinks.
 
@megemilysx

Echoing what others have said make sure you speak to your RDO and make sure this gets reported to the County FA.

From the above it seems like the league are aware of the incident, however it is the County FA who have the greater power to impose sanctions upon this manager.

I know it's easy to say but don't let this incident put you off refereeing, go again next week and enjoy your next game.
 
As others have said report this as soon as possible, no one should have to undergo this during a match (especially not in an U8 match - correct me if I'm wrong although is this level even competitive yet? I thought the idea of U8 was 'fun of the game').

In my opinion though (based on what I'm imagining in my head) the manager approaching you like that (approaching you aggressively) I'd be leaning towards dismissing the manager or at a very minimum warning him that any more unacceptable behaviour and he'll be gone. I'd probably also be cautioning the GK for dissent if he was swearing directly at me repeatedly.

Someone more experienced than me can correct me if I'm wrong.
 
I'm not quite sure why there haven't been more recommendations for abandonment. A fully-grown adult has stormed onto the pitch, physically confronted (squared up to) a 15 year-old referee while screaming and swearing at her, leaving the referee in her own words, "terrified" and (ultimately) in tears.

For me, if a referee is physically intimidated and left in fear and distress in this way, especially by a manager who has illegally entered the pitch in a highly aggressive and threatening manner, the game should be abandoned.

I understand this is a difficult and daunting decision for a young and relatively inexperienced referee to make so I'm not implying any criticism of @megemilysx but as I say, I'm a little surprised that more of the contributors to this thread don't seem to see grounds for abandoning the game.
 
I am truly shocked by this! It is absolutely disgraceful for an adult to hurl abuse at a 15 year old regardless of gender, and
then for the team to join in makes me believe they should be thrown out of the league and the manager given a life ban.
I hope you're ok now and continue with refereeing. After all every game will be a walk in the park from now on!!
I know given the circumstances you describe you were probably in a state of extreme distress and panic but as advice, if anything similar happens in the future you do have the very powerful option of abandoning the game. Which I believe would have been the best option in this case. But yes agree with all the others report to everybody and take advice from your RDO..
 
I am so angry reading this post. Others have already given good advice on the incident and how to deal with the manager. If this “manager” went so crazy over a goal incident - an incident we have all had to deal with - can you imagine how he treats his players. This is U8!!!!! I’m honsestly sat with my mouth wide open at this. My son plays U8 and I have never seen anyone behave like this - not even close. I’m with Ciley - lifetime ban for this jerk straight away. Done.

And just to give you a bit of confidence on the incident/decision - almost every decision is unpopular with one team or the other...sometimes both :). You will get complaints, it’s part of football. This incident is quite common - sometimes it’s a foul, sometimes it’s not, you are the judge. If you awarded the free kick to the defending team the attacking team would say you’ve made a mistake (hopefully with 100% less abuse). If you stop the play for an injury the attacking team would feel hard done by. You can’t please everyone - call it as you see it and have the humility to learn and improve over time.

Keep going and keep coming onto this site for support!
 
I think it's interesting - and relevant - to note that almost no one on this thread has really focused on the decision itself. I think that emphasises the fact that you could have made the worst decision in the world, in the biggest game in the world and this behaviour would still be unacceptable. The fact that your decision sounds fairly reasonable is nice, but kind of a side note in the main issue here.

For me, any manager coming onto the pitch without my permission (for anything other then a genuine serious injury, where I'm happy to apply common sense) is looking at a serious talking to as a minimum. If he starts shouting at me, he's going home early, and if he threatens or touches me, everyone's going home. Having said all that, I've actually only ever had to deal with one manager coming on the pitch, and he quickly realised his rush of blood to the head was unacceptable and backed off. It's such an unusual situation you've found yourself in (particularly at U8) and I think you need to just be reassured that you could referee for the next 10 years and probably not have anything similar happen to you again.
 
Wow, I hope you're OK and getting whatever support etc that you need from your County, RA, and the league.

As some others have said, I can't believe that everyone else who was there with that team thought his behaviour was acceptable, or that they were happy for their children to start abusing you as well.

I'm with @Peter Grove, this isn't a criticsim, but if you ever have anyone make you feel that terrified during a game again then really consider abandoning the match.
 
The home team manager marches on absolutely screaming at me that i’m useless, I can’t referee and that it was a foul and shouldn’t have been a goal.

If I've understood this correctly he's complaining that you didn't blow for a foul he thinks was committed by his own goalkeeper, which would have resulted in a penalty, but you allowed play to carry on and the other team scored anyway. If that's what happened I would question his sanity. Even if you thought it was a foul, there is clear advantage.

The abuse is absolutely outrageous regardless of whether your decisions are right or wrong. It would be outrageous if you were an adult and the players were adults, for a youth ref in U8 football it's borderline criminal. That club needs a very stern talking to. Do, please, submit a misconduct report.

When you have a game like that it's natural to wonder whether it's somehow your fault. That's why I addressed the question of the decision first: the abuse is the more important issue, but it should make you feel better to know that not only were you right, he's an idiot.

I can't believe 7-year-olds are swearing at the ref! If my son swore at a ref I'd scare the bejesus out of him.
 
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