A&H

After game hand shake

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one

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Interested to know your thoughts on this. As a referee or as the second AR.

After the game, while referee and two assistants standing side-by-side an abviously disgruntled player comes and shakes hands with AR1, skips ref and shakes hands with AR2. It's very obvious the only reason he is shaking hand with ARs is to make the referee look bad.

I have as AR2, said to the player "referee first" in which case the player has just walked off. As a referee I have told my AR2 he shook hands with you to make me look bad (kind of making him feel guilty). Neither of those felt quite right.
 
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I don't really think it matters. If a player wants to be that vindictive and petty, go ahead. I'm not messing around playing games with people to force them to shake my hand. Think a thicker skin is needed tbh
 
Same as above, wont loose a minutes sleep either way,

I don't encourage my Ars to join me at the end anyway, personal choice, I don't like it, I totally detest seeing it on TV when the ARs sprint to the ref like bouncers, although I appreciate it might be regulations or best practise at other levels.

I also dont go looking for hand shakes, although of course its appreciated if anything comes my way, I want minimal interaction post match, as well as pre match.
 
alexgr said:
I don't really think it matters. If a player wants to be that vindictive and petty, go ahead. I'm not messing around playing games with people to force them to shake my hand. Think a thicker skin is needed tbh
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It's not about the handshake. Especially as an AR, I don't like being used to put the referee down.
 
one said:
It's not about the handshake. Especially as an AR, I don't like being used to put the referee down.
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Imo if you are considering not shaking someones hand because they never shook the referee's hand then you (not you personally but the general you) are as immature as each other and even shaking the hands would mean nothing anyway
saying "referee first" makes it look like a chain of command and reminds me of the tales of "someone" who insisted that when walking around in general public with his ARs insisted on being in the middle of the 2 of them, or "someone" else who made his ARs carry his kit bag from car to ground and so on.....
 
Agree that not shaking someone's hand is bad (as per OP, doesn't feel right). But the alternative is not much better for me. You feel used, the ref feels like sh!t and the player is proudly walking away.

It's all good and weel saying be the bigger man etc. As a referee, I can be. As an AR it's not my choice. Either way, if someone know a better way, I'm all ears.
 
one said:
It's not about the handshake. Especially as an AR, I don't like being used to put the referee down.
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Honestly if a referee loses even a moment's sleep over their hand not being shaken but their ARs' hands were, something isn't going quite right. Just my opinion but I really don't think there's any way out here - refuse to shake his hand and you look petty, force him to shake the ref's hand you look petty. Just shake his hand and get on with it
 
I once offered my hand to a ****y player and he refused with some personal dissent...... That refusal and me muttering something under my breath nearly got me a new set of teeth!!! OOPS!!! :cool:
 
I promised myself if the occasion arose, I would not shake Roy Keanes hand
I still would not, even if he saved me and my family from an axe murderer
He was not up here long enough for our paths to cross! Which probably saved me the embarrassment tbh
 
I recall a tale form a local referee who was a bit of a character. At the end of a game he'd usually make straight for the most troublesome player, hold out his hand to be shaken and say 'well played, I thought you were the best man on the field today'. His opinion was that it cut them off in their tracks before they could start anything but I cannot confirm the success or otherwise of this approach.
 
OIREF! said:
I recall a tale form a local referee who was a bit of a character. At the end of a game he'd usually make straight for the most troublesome player, hold out his hand to be shaken and say 'well played, I thought you were the best man on the field today'. His opinion was that it cut them off in their tracks before they could start anything but I cannot confirm the success or otherwise of this approach.
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Along same lines, when you do get the grumbling player half shaking your hand going, not at your best today ref, I have seen me reply with, "you and me both mr" or similar...
 
alexgr said:
Honestly if a referee loses even a moment's sleep over their hand not being shaken but their ARs' hands were, something isn't going quite right. Just my opinion but I really don't think there's any way out here - refuse to shake his hand and you look petty, force him to shake the ref's hand you look petty. Just shake his hand and get on with it
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No I don't loose sleep over it and I don't think any referee who has been around long enough would do either.

Maybe l am reading too much into it or maybe I see something here others don't see. The scenario in OP is a clear public display of disrespect to a referee (and hence to all referees in general). It should not be acceptable to anyone. What makes me resent this so much is that the player uses (cons) other members of the refereeing team to participate in carrying it out. And I am frustrated that there is nothing sensible I can think of to stop this from happening even when I see it coming.
 
one said:
Interested to know your thoughts on this. As a referee or as the second AR.

After the game, while referee and two assistants standing side-by-side an abviously disgruntled player comes and shakes hands with AR1, skips ref and shakes hands with AR2. It's very obvious the only reason he is shaking hand with ARs is to make the referee look bad.

I have as AR2, said to the player "referee first" in which case the player has just walked off. As a referee I have told my AR2 he shook hands with you to make me look bad (kind of making him feel guilty). Neither of those felt quite right.
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Yeah, you're right -the AR2 shouldn't be contributing (albeit unintentionally) to that player's pathetic little games. I had this happen to me once and I was annoyed at the AR. I think your approach is best - you're not refusing, just 'referee first'.
I mean, let's not pretend that the player is there to actually congratulate the ARs. The entire purpose is to try to get under the ref's skin and to express displeasure at the ref - so we don't want the AR's to be a part of that little display.
As a ref when it happens though? I don't even look at the player or acknowledge that it occurred in any way.
 
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My approach here is that ar's join me, and we just stay where we are till it's clear that no one else wants to shake hands. If people do or don't, no skin off my teeth.

That said, I did have an angry coach lead in with "let me give you some advice ref" at the weekend which I responded with "thanks, did you know I am in charger of this area untill we leave the fop, so think wisely" which stopped him in his tracks.


Mostly, the end of play, the same thing applies as during the game. Not everyone will like your decision (s). Thick skin helps, but don't let players/coaches take the piss.
 
If one or two players have a gripe with you it is sensible to try and position yourself for full time away from them. If they are a distance away from you they are less likely to have a rant than if they were stood next to you.

Same as the benches, it is no coincidence that when top level referees blow for full time they are often the opposite side to the penalty area from the benches.

Personally though I couldn't give a hoot whether players or managers wanted to shake my hand. If they want to then great, if not then that is their choice, not really worth worrying about.
 
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