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I don't think i can do it

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ScottishRF

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Hi:),

I just after my 2nd game as a referee. I referred my first game for 16s league A with two teams who fouth for 1st place in the league. As u can think match was stresulfull and challenging. It went bad. I wanted to quit it but after few days I gave it another chance. Next week (means today) i had another match. After asking for less challenging silly match I get a round 2 of the cup game(BO1). It was better ( I didn't have to use red card. I could but I didnt want to ruin my game). Anyway after this my feeling are...I can't do it. I like it, I could love it but my personality of someone who takes everything really to himself, and is really emotional stops me. My next match is another cup game for same team and other cup game for the today's other team. I will take a break from matches to sort it out do I want to do it or not. The thing is do you guys know any way how I could actually stay in the association, and have a really good time? I feel like my whole studies are less stressful that one match.
What to do....what to do.... :(
 
The Referee Store
If you really want to continue, you have a couple of options to build confidence.

Do some younger age groups and/or girls matches or just do some lines. Considered either of those?
 
PinnerPaul said:
If you really want to continue, you have a couple of options to build confidence.

Do some younger age groups and/or girls matches or just do some lines. Considered either of those?
Click to expand...
Lines sounds good! But on my level There is only one refereee. My league do not use linesmans even in the A league (18/19s). I will ask league secretary about it :)
 
ScottishRF said:
Lines sounds good! But on my level There is only one refereee. My league do not use linesmans even in the A league (18/19s). I will ask league secretary about it :)
Click to expand...

You could ask if there is a specialist assistant pathway. If there is, it might be worth asking what you need to do in order to get onto that. You'll be able to progress as normal but as an AR, where you'd be more protected by the team I suppose.

They may want you to get a promotion as the main referee first though, I'm not sure. I refereed with someone recently who wasn't that keen on being in the middle and he's up to the highest tier as an AR now, which is fantastic for him.

Am I reading that right that you're being thrown into adult top division matches and cup games? I think they should be introducing you into the game with reserves or lower tier matches...
 
I know it’s easy to say, but you really need to remember that whatever the players say, it isn’t personal. My mum’s been a teacher for a while and that was one of the first things she said when I decided to start reffing. If they’re calling you a bad ref, chances are it’s partly because you’re giving 50/50 decisions in favour of the other team without realising. Even if you’re right, players will say you’re making the wrong decision. I gave a tight offside last week and the defender told me ‘great decision, lino’. I guarantee he wouldn’t have said that if it were his striker who I called offside! Just take a break and maybe watch a few more experienced ref’s games and try to see it from another perspective. Best advice I can give is that you shouldn’t take what players say to heart and if you do have a poor game, don’t dwell on it; park it and after a day or two, write down what you can do to prevent that error next time - it’ll make you a better referee. :)
 
It takes time to get comfort out there. As others have said, it helps to get in some younger games—starting with competitive 16s is tough! If you want to keep at it, also find a mentor who might be willing to come watch you—some simple things may help you get more comfortable.

(I’m amazed at the games that many of you do solo. I can’t imagine starting out doing a 16 solo.)
 
RobOda said:
You could ask if there is a specialist assistant pathway. If there is, it might be worth asking what you need to do in order to get onto that. You'll be able to progress as normal but as an AR, where you'd be more protected by the team I suppose.

They may want you to get a promotion as the main referee first though, I'm not sure. I refereed with someone recently who wasn't that keen on being in the middle and he's up to the highest tier as an AR now, which is fantastic for him.

Am I reading that right that you're being thrown into adult top division matches and cup games? I think they should be introducing you into the game with reserves or lower tier matches...
Click to expand...
I will speak about AR pathway my association manager tonight. Staring with cup games ain't helpful for me but on the other hand I know that my league is struggling with referees and many of them do 5 matches per week.
 
[QUOTE="socal lurker, post: 161459, member:3557”]

(I’m amazed at the games that many of you do solo. I can’t imagine starting out doing a 16 solo.)[/QUOTE]
I didnt even ask anyone from the home team/away team to be my linesmans as there aren't helpful and usually confront my decision for a benefit for their team. So after 40 minutes with linesmans last week I didny even ask them this week.
 
ScottishRF said:
I will speak about AR pathway my association manager tonight. Staring with cup games ain't helpful for me but on the other hand I know that my league is struggling with referees and many of them do 5 matches per week.
Click to expand...

Even as an AR you will still receive verbal from players and fans. If the route cause of you're issue is that receiving verbals "emotionally stops you" (And well done for your honesty), then that's the issue to work on. Don't avoid it, work on how to deal with it. I went straight into inner city open age footy after my playing career ended. I know what players are like having played 100s and 100s of OA games myself. It isn't personal, they're trying to influence your decisions that's all. It really isn't personal. Their game is to get to you, and yours is to not let it get to you and that's what you need to work on. Most importantly, it's just a football match, it isn't life or death. Do your best and learn from your mistakes.

Doing some kids games if you're new to football is a very good suggestion
 
You aren't going to be fantastic in every game but you need to take the positives and apply it to your next game. Without being too critical on yourself, highlight a couple of things you could improve on and make the effort to address those too.

Remember, there was a time when you couldn't walk or run yet you learnt how to do that. It's the same with refereeing, you aren't going to be a brilliant referee after 2 games and nor do premiership referees get everything right every game. It's all about little steps BUT enjoying it as you do it.
 
Self analysis over a fixed time helps me. After every game and in my car on the way home or to the next game, I'll think about what I did right and what I did wrong (and therefore what I'd do next time). Once I get out of the car that's it, no more thinking about it
 
ScottishRF said:
Hi:),

I just after my 2nd game as a referee. I referred my first game for 16s league A with two teams who fouth for 1st place in the league. As u can think match was stresulfull and challenging. It went bad. I wanted to quit it but after few days I gave it another chance. Next week (means today) i had another match. After asking for less challenging silly match I get a round 2 of the cup game(BO1). It was better ( I didn't have to use red card. I could but I didnt want to ruin my game). Anyway after this my feeling are...I can't do it. I like it, I could love it but my personality of someone who takes everything really to himself, and is really emotional stops me. My next match is another cup game for same team and other cup game for the today's other team. I will take a break from matches to sort it out do I want to do it or not. The thing is do you guys know any way how I could actually stay in the association, and have a really good time? I feel like my whole studies are less stressful that one match.
What to do....what to do.... :(
Click to expand...
I feel you. The emotional side was and still js the hardest part for me. For the first 2-3 seasons I had too much empathy with players, was disappointed with bad behaviour, welled up a few times. I got past it.

You’ve recognized something already, which is very positive. And the more you learn from other refs, the better you will be able to handle different situations in your own way.

That said, this isn’t for everyone! But 1,2 even 10-20 games is small potatoes. As said elsewhere, work as an AR to see and learn how refs just ahead of you deal with things;)
 
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