A&H

Seems to be getting worse !!

Zimmyman

Well-Known Member
Ok 45 official games into my career as an older ref ok my age is 69 but I’m able to do two games ona Sunday !! Last season started off great !! 15 games in no real trouble then as the season went in it got worse with behaviour from managers and parents
Yes I like all make mistakes but I have also had a lot of handshakes and good game ref from managers and players as well as parents so I can’t be that bad
Now I start to dread going into the field as it’s like a tinder box !!! Take Sunday ! 70 minutes into the game an under 15 s no problems at all but blue team losing 4-0 then I don’t give a handball which I thought was not !! Then parents start your the worst ref we’ve ever seen etc blue players then respond one of them looking at me with F///0f so I dismiss him but not that simple he won’t give a name he throws his shirt on the floor gives me another load of FFs finally he goes with manager on the field up in arms ! Minute later I give a handball to blues only to have one say Effing joke loud !! I call him over ask for a name and I’m met with a two single finger and a shout if Eff u !!! Again he won’t give a name but does eventually manager comes in to take his team off blue keeper swears at me and I dismiss him parents coming on etc so I abandon !!! How can a game go good for 70 minutes and then over a very innocuous hand ball to this !!! I look at my self but as I said to the manager whatever I did right or wrong good or bad ref I won’t be sworn at !! Red team all shake my hand and red parents ask if I’m ok and apologise it’s beginning to make me wonder about next weeks games I was on the verge of quitting last night but I won’t be beaten by these people even if I have to abandon every game why do we have to have 15 year old kids talk to someone old enough to be there grandfather
Sorry it’s long but I’m very frustrated
 
The Referee Store
Ok 45 official games into my career as an older ref ok my age is 69 but I’m able to do two games ona Sunday !! Last season started off great !! 15 games in no real trouble then as the season went in it got worse with behaviour from managers and parents
Yes I like all make mistakes but I have also had a lot of handshakes and good game ref from managers and players as well as parents so I can’t be that bad
Now I start to dread going into the field as it’s like a tinder box !!! Take Sunday ! 70 minutes into the game an under 15 s no problems at all but blue team losing 4-0 then I don’t give a handball which I thought was not !! Then parents start your the worst ref we’ve ever seen etc blue players then respond one of them looking at me with F///0f so I dismiss him but not that simple he won’t give a name he throws his shirt on the floor gives me another load of FFs finally he goes with manager on the field up in arms ! Minute later I give a handball to blues only to have one say Effing joke loud !! I call him over ask for a name and I’m met with a two single finger and a shout if Eff u !!! Again he won’t give a name but does eventually manager comes in to take his team off blue keeper swears at me and I dismiss him parents coming on etc so I abandon !!! How can a game go good for 70 minutes and then over a very innocuous hand ball to this !!! I look at my self but as I said to the manager whatever I did right or wrong good or bad ref I won’t be sworn at !! Red team all shake my hand and red parents ask if I’m ok and apologise it’s beginning to make me wonder about next weeks games I was on the verge of quitting last night but I won’t be beaten by these people even if I have to abandon every game why do we have to have 15 year old kids talk to someone old enough to be there grandfather
Sorry it’s long but I’m very frustrated
Each time you report bad experiences, the misconduct is very similar in nature. Whatever the cause is, it must be consistent
Have you always been involved in football, or at least an active spectator who has attended games regularly? Or is football something you've turned to later in life?
 
Fourth season and I have had one abondonment 2 seasons ago. Do you think that your tolerance for dissent is too high? To go from zero to swearing from the players is unusual although can happen. Maybe earlier cards in your game are needed. Could you ask some one from your local RA or another ref to come and watch a game? If your area is like mine elder refs are just left to get on with it with mentors going to the youngster who might move up the ladder. If you want to Private message me for advice please feel free. As for being told you are the worst ref ever I wouldny worry about that. Its there with I am going to report you. Theses are never from the winning team.
 
Each time you report bad experiences, the misconduct is very similar in nature. Whatever the cause is, it must be consistent
Have you always been involved in football, or at least an active spectator who has attended games regularly? Or is football something you've turned to later in life?
Yes played managed for over 50 years
 
I had different modes, I could be Mr Nice but if they abused my hospitality Mr Nasty could be easily aroused! Maybe you’re thought of as a softer touch?
 
This almost always starts with the manager, so if he's "on the field up in arms" then this is why the kids are like it. I'm the same - I won't be sworn at by children (or anyone else for that matter) and send off a lot for this.
When you turned down the handball appeals, did you acknowledge it or just not give anything? Where there's something contentious I try to explain my reasoning. For example, I would say "no intent!" / "straight at him!" / "No way he could get out of the way!" etc to show I'd seen it but didn't agree it was intentional. This may help control their emotions, although If they're 4-0 down they're probably looking for someone to blame. By not giving the kick you made yourself it.

Try to slow the game down when teams are getting on your case. Do this by giving all the free kicks going and making them take it on the whistle when you're ready. Talk to players a lot and then let them get back into position before the kick is taken. That makes it look like you're on their side, when actually you're doing it for you. Make a point of telling the kicker to "let him get back in" so they know you're doing this.

I try to start out a bit harder and then ease off, to show them I'm in charge. Then if I need to ramp it up again it's not a surprise. I used to really enjoy this type of game - you can't get bored at least.

If you're finding it getting to you and wondering if they have a point, make a list of things you could have done better, and then a list of things you did well. The fact that the other team were supportive shows that there were some good things, so focus on those. You will find that the good far outweighs the bad (and calling it bad is wrong, because it's rarely that bad) Try to recognise when it started. You've mentioned the handball, but was there anything before that, and the handball was the last straw as far as they were concerned? If you could recognise that then slowing the game down at that point may have meant the handball incident never happened.

Stick at it, and keep asking for help, both on here and locally.
 
I'm inexperienced too so I'm not going to patronise you by giving you advice but please don't let them beat you. Your real world experience is so valuable and the fact that many people your age aren't fit enough to be a referee should count for a lot. Keep at it, please.
 
I had two completely contrasting games yesterday - U13 girls followed by U12 boys.

The girls game was really good - got on well with both sets of players and the parents, but had issues with the home CAR and the away manager.
The home team lost which according to the CAR was my fault because I didn't agree a foul throw was a foul throw so overruled, which led to a goal. The home team also scored a similar goal. Both looked sloppy but both were acceptable in Law. I never asked him for any assistance on throws because very few actually know what an acceptable throw looks like.
The Away manager won but disagreed with a free kick I gave that also led to a goal. Then in the second half the home goalkeeper injured herself colliding with the post and needed treatment. He felt I should not have added the time for that and another injury stoppage because his team were leading but were under the cosh and needed the final whistle. It led to him telling his team they "did really well considering they were playing against twelve today!" while I was filling in the match report card.

In the second game I had to speak to a few boys because they got a bit aggy but no problems apart from that. The score was 4-4 when the away team shot from distance, the ball bounced off the crossbar and down, then up off the bar again and down and out. I was by the shooter so had no idea. I had a CAR who said definitely no goal so had to go with that. Unfortunately the ball came out and they went up the other end where the home team then scored the winner. After the game the Home manager said "we were lucky. VAR would have given it!" The away manager moaned but basically said "nothing you could do - the lino cheated!" I went over to apologise to the away spectators, who to a man said the same thing (they were dead in line with the goal line so had the perfect view).

Basically in the first game the winning manager called me a cheat. (He's been reported) while in the second the losing manager and spectators didn't have a problem even though they were cheated!

It's a funny old game Saint!
 
Ok 45 official games into my career as an older ref ok my age is 69 but I’m able to do two games ona Sunday !! Last season started off great !! 15 games in no real trouble then as the season went in it got worse with behaviour from managers and parents
Yes I like all make mistakes but I have also had a lot of handshakes and good game ref from managers and players as well as parents so I can’t be that bad
Now I start to dread going into the field as it’s like a tinder box !!! Take Sunday ! 70 minutes into the game an under 15 s no problems at all but blue team losing 4-0 then I don’t give a handball which I thought was not !! Then parents start your the worst ref we’ve ever seen etc blue players then respond one of them looking at me with F///0f so I dismiss him but not that simple he won’t give a name he throws his shirt on the floor gives me another load of FFs finally he goes with manager on the field up in arms ! Minute later I give a handball to blues only to have one say Effing joke loud !! I call him over ask for a name and I’m met with a two single finger and a shout if Eff u !!! Again he won’t give a name but does eventually manager comes in to take his team off blue keeper swears at me and I dismiss him parents coming on etc so I abandon !!! How can a game go good for 70 minutes and then over a very innocuous hand ball to this !!! I look at my self but as I said to the manager whatever I did right or wrong good or bad ref I won’t be sworn at !! Red team all shake my hand and red parents ask if I’m ok and apologise it’s beginning to make me wonder about next weeks games I was on the verge of quitting last night but I won’t be beaten by these people even if I have to abandon every game why do we have to have 15 year old kids talk to someone old enough to be there grandfather
Sorry it’s long but I’m very frustrated

Hi @Zimmyman , Just to make your to get the correct reports out of this:
1. Red Card for the First Blue player.
2. Extraordinary report for his reaction of not giving you his name and then throwing his shirt to the floor.
3. Red Card for the second blue player.
4. Extraordinary report for him not giving you his name.
5. Red Card for the blue goal keeper.
6. Extraordinary report for the Blue parents coming onto the FOP causing the abandonment.

Should keep the CFA occupied for a few minutes.

Yes, horrible experience but you made it though. You will realise that sometime you need to lower your tolerance level - U15's now should be treated as they are adult. They want to be, want to act like them so expect the punishments that adult football would give them.

In York, more problems are being cause in junior football than adult football. Unfortunately, that is where the referees have to start with these matches can be the hardest with the parents watching. The referee course does not teach you to handle problem parents, etc ; but the players and clubs expect a refereeing standard higher than Howard Webb.....
 
I've heard at my last group meeting that behaviour at junior matches has gotten quite bad. Apparently incidents with the mothers are on the rise for some reason.

But, I don't think it is a new problem. When I qualified I went straight into Adult games and I quit juniors after a few volunteer'd games. Junior football was atrocious, the behaviour not just from the players, but the parents and coaches was that bad I didn't want to deal with it. Senior football at least had some semblance of behaviour.

The only youth games I do thesedays are 17-18 youth, the development league or when I get called up for a national or regional youth cup fixture. Those tend to be well behaved. But then, I think about 90% of the youth local leagues go without referees, people just don't want to do it outside of a select few that exclusively deal with youth football.

This almost always starts with the manager,

This is hitting the nail on the head. If the manager is the type to act like a *****, then I know his team is going to be just as annoying to deal with. I keep things cordial, but I found the best method to deal with these types is to stand up straight and take absolutely nothing from them. That's all they care about, finding a bit of 'give' so they can chip into your armour and make you crack. They're the types that will only be pleasant if things go their way, I really dislike that type of manager/coach.

If I have children myself, and they're interested in football, the nature of the manager/coach is going to be a major factor in whether I allow my children to join the team or not. Because unfortunately, kids can pick up some disgusting habits from these coaches. But the worst is getting a team that has this type of coach and the player's parents share the same views/attitude. Those are just nightmare scenarios for me.
 
I've refereed around 80 youth games and have barely encountered a misdemeanour, let alone the hullabaloo reported herein
Having said that, I could probably drive 5 miles in tother direction (towards the Big City) and I'd need a tin hat
I do have problems with the mothers however, fighting them off every week 😍
 
Ok 45 official games into my career as an older ref ok my age is 69 but I’m able to do two games ona Sunday !! Last season started off great !! 15 games in no real trouble then as the season went in it got worse with behaviour from managers and parents
Yes I like all make mistakes but I have also had a lot of handshakes and good game ref from managers and players as well as parents so I can’t be that bad
Now I start to dread going into the field as it’s like a tinder box !!! Take Sunday ! 70 minutes into the game an under 15 s no problems at all but blue team losing 4-0 then I don’t give a handball which I thought was not !! Then parents start your the worst ref we’ve ever seen etc blue players then respond one of them looking at me with F///0f so I dismiss him but not that simple he won’t give a name he throws his shirt on the floor gives me another load of FFs finally he goes with manager on the field up in arms ! Minute later I give a handball to blues only to have one say Effing joke loud !! I call him over ask for a name and I’m met with a two single finger and a shout if Eff u !!! Again he won’t give a name but does eventually manager comes in to take his team off blue keeper swears at me and I dismiss him parents coming on etc so I abandon !!! How can a game go good for 70 minutes and then over a very innocuous hand ball to this !!! I look at my self but as I said to the manager whatever I did right or wrong good or bad ref I won’t be sworn at !! Red team all shake my hand and red parents ask if I’m ok and apologise it’s beginning to make me wonder about next weeks games I was on the verge of quitting last night but I won’t be beaten by these people even if I have to abandon every game why do we have to have 15 year old kids talk to someone old enough to be there grandfather
Sorry it’s long but I’m very frustrated
 
Make sure you report the Blue team to your County FA! If a player wouldn't give you his name, you need to report this so that the FA can ask the team for the name. Remember you should have had a team sheet with players numbers on, so you can use that to get the name. As player didn't give you a name, you can say that you believe player's name was as shown on the team sheet. The league will punish the offending team with a points deduction, and fine. Sounds like this isn't the first time they have done this, so they could end up getting kicked out of the league. You are right not to be beaten by such ignorant people.
 
Make sure you report the Blue team to your County FA! If a player wouldn't give you his name, you need to report this so that the FA can ask the team for the name. Remember you should have had a team sheet with players numbers on, so you can use that to get the name. As player didn't give you a name, you can say that you believe player's name was as shown on the team sheet. The league will punish the offending team with a points deduction, and fine. Sounds like this isn't the first time they have done this, so they could end up getting kicked out of the league. You are right not to be beaten by such ignorant people.
Thank you yes the three players have got two game bans each !! I’m in a league with no team sheets so that’s why it was tough any way thank you for your support appreciated
 
I've refereed around 80 youth games and have barely encountered a misdemeanour, let alone the hullabaloo reported herein
Having said that, I could probably drive 5 miles in tother direction (towards the Big City) and I'd need a tin hat
I do have problems with the mothers however, fighting them off every week 😍
Well I understand ! You must be very lucky !! As I said I was having a good game not a peep or problem for 70 minutes then cos I don’t give hand ball I have a 14 year old swearing at me !! They got the bans twi games !! I’ll stick to my guns even if it happens every game why should these people win
 
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I'm inexperienced too so I'm not going to patronise you by giving you advice but please don't let them beat you. Your real world experience is so valuable and the fact that many people your age aren't fit enough to be a referee should count for a lot. Keep at it, please.
Thank you that’s a nice sentiment appreciated
 
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