A&H

Talking to managers about parents

Z

Zimmyman

Well-Known Member
Ok I don’t know if it’s me or all of us but it seems to have gone crazy at youth level football U12- U11 I have already had to abandon one u11 game after 3 mins manager received a red card from me and would not leave the area !!!! Cue 10 parents surrounding me giving the most vile abuse !!! I’m an older ref so I’ve heard worse but I could have been a younger ref !!!!
Following week 10 mins in two mothers screaming abuse and running onto the pitch to try and grab a boy !!! I threaten to abandon but it calmed down I have had two directives from two different leagues saying how bad it is and for us to report everything !! ! It seems the worst I have ever seen in years I know it can get tough but this is stupid !!
My question is before the start of the games is it worth saying to managers that I will come down tough on mouthy rowdy parents as a warning or am I being to mercenary ???? Thoughts would be good
Thanks
 
The Referee Store
Preemptive warnings might run the risk of helping create that hostile atmosphere you're trying to avoid? Better perhaps to just be super-alert to it and actively look out for an opportunity to lay down the law early on. First "FFS ref!", first time someone argues with your decision, any parent getting in the way of your AR - hold the game up at the next stoppage, go to the relevant manager and make it clear that they need to do something about it.
 
At times the atmosphere at Junior football matches are absolute poison because of the attitude of parents and indeed some coaches. I’m all for banning parents completely.

I’d take a difficult OA game any day over a run of the mill junior match.
 
Eddie said:
At times the atmosphere at Junior football matches are absolute poison because of the attitude of parents and indeed some coaches. I’m all for banning parents completely.
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It will be interesting to see the effect of COVID restrictions and no spectators attending matches. My local youth team have been very strict on this - they have advised parents not to be present at all, not even watching from a distance. It's my first competitive match this coming Saturday so we'll see how it goes.
 
OIREF! said:
It will be interesting to see the effect of COVID restrictions and no spectators attending matches. My local youth team have been very strict on this - they have advised parents not to be present at all, not even watching from a distance. It's my first competitive match this coming Saturday so we'll see how it goes.
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Wow out of interest are you in England and if so what county? My local league in Birmingham has lots of parents/spectators and unfortunately social distancing doesn’t seem to apply to them for some reason 🤷‍♂️
 
OIREF! said:
It will be interesting to see the effect of COVID restrictions and no spectators attending matches. My local youth team have been very strict on this - they have advised parents not to be present at all, not even watching from a distance. It's my first competitive match this coming Saturday so we'll see how it goes.
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Problem is, the parents have to bring them and take them home so the chances are they’re going to wait around for the match. I can’t imagine many not trying to get pitchside to watch...especially if there’s nobody around to tell them to scram.

Not really your problem of course but youth football would be a breeze if it wasn’t for the morons, so I hope they’re turned away for that reason alone!
 
There is a field I ref at that has a parking lot that looks down over the field. I love reffing there when it rains--the parents stay in their cars to stay dry and we just have fun down on the field!
 
BrumRef said:
Wow out of interest are you in England and if so what county? My local league in Birmingham has lots of parents/spectators and unfortunately social distancing doesn’t seem to apply to them for some reason 🤷‍♂️
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I'm in Scotland. In my area competitive, organised matches are due to start in the next couple of weeks. Friendlies have been taking place for 5-6 weeks and I've done matches for various teams. Teams are following guidelines pretty well both in terms of preparation and on match days. There have been some spectators watching from a distance but nothing I considered excessive. A couple of weeks ago I did notice a team official asking some people to move back from the pitch as he felt they were too close.
 
I would be careful of making a drama of something before it is an issue. Try and keep things positive with the coaches at the start. If there is an issue, you can discuss it with them. That way you have a way of escalating and don't use up your options too quickly.

Have to agree, that if any spectators attempt to make physical contact with someone on the pitch, abandonment would be considered; I would definitely be putting in a report and also informing the league welfare officer.
 
OIREF! said:
I'm in Scotland. In my area competitive, organised matches are due to start in the next couple of weeks. Friendlies have been taking place for 5-6 weeks and I've done matches for various teams. Teams are following guidelines pretty well both in terms of preparation and on match days. There have been some spectators watching from a distance but nothing I considered excessive. A couple of weeks ago I did notice a team official asking some people to move back from the pitch as he felt they were too close.
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Wow that’s brilliant Imo - responsible coaches too🤯👍
 
OIREF! said:
I'm in Scotland. In my area competitive, organised matches are due to start in the next couple of weeks. Friendlies have been taking place for 5-6 weeks and I've done matches for various teams. Teams are following guidelines pretty well both in terms of preparation and on match days. There have been some spectators watching from a distance but nothing I considered excessive. A couple of weeks ago I did notice a team official asking some people to move back from the pitch as he felt they were too close.
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Incredible that you're 2 months behind up there. The devolved guidelines have been one of the stupendously stupid legacies of this pandemic
 
Knowing that there may be problems, I think it would be a good thing to talk to managers prior to kick off.

A simple reminder that you're there to referee the children, not the adults and if any of the parents step out of line you will be looking to the coach to sort it. If they can't, parents will be asked to leave.

All junior leagues that I've coached in or refereed in have very clear rules stating it is up to the managers to manage the parents on the side lines so I would always put it on them first.

If they don't, report it to the league
 
While being an AR for two travel games, during the coin toss, the centers asked the kids up front if there were any coaches or players that they should be aware of. They also told the kids that they would be coming to them first, so that the kids can handle their teammates and coaches first. I thought this was an interesting spin on doing things and enabled the kids to take a more active role as captains. If I recall it was a U15 Boys and U16 girls match, so it will be harder at younger age brackets.
 
jimr381 said:
While being an AR for two travel games, during the coin toss, the centers asked the kids up front if there were any coaches or players that they should be aware of. They also told the kids that they would be coming to them first, so that the kids can handle their teammates and coaches first. I thought this was an interesting spin on doing things and enabled the kids to take a more active role as captains. If I recall it was a U15 Boys and U16 girls match, so it will be harder at younger age brackets.
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I wouldn't do that to kids that age. The kids who have overbearing parents are probably nervous and/or embarrassed enough as it is.

The simplest and best way is to engage with the coach/manager or a field marshal (these are volunteers at tournaments who assist with game administration) to remove the problems from the field. If I have a field marshal at a tournament, I'll let that person know that I'll work with that person and the coach should the need arise to remove a parent. Otherwise, I will ask the coach to deal with the parent. If the coach refuses to do so, then I start issuing misconduct sanctions to the coach until either the parent is gone or the coach and parent are gone.
 
jimr381 said:
While being an AR for two travel games, during the coin toss, the centers asked the kids up front if there were any coaches or players that they should be aware of. They also told the kids that they would be coming to them first, so that the kids can handle their teammates and coaches first. I thought this was an interesting spin on doing things and enabled the kids to take a more active role as captains. If I recall it was a U15 Boys and U16 girls match, so it will be harder at younger age brackets.
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Sorry, they're planning on making children responsible for controlling the actions of their adult authorities? That's absolutely backwards and it smacks of a desperate attempt to avoid sending off a coach. If coaches misbehave, punish them with as much force as the Laws allow. I have no time for the antics of coaches, especially at youth and amateur matches. You want to behave irresponsibly? Goodbye.

As for the overall question, and this is not to defend the actions of parents or coaches but to attempt to find some explanation for why it has, as you say, gotten so much worse this year: I think that with the current situation the world finds itself, COVID et al, the level of stress and anxiety is through the roof for average people. As a result of this, emotions run much higher, tempers run much hotter, and fuses run much shorter. This doesn't change my approach to bad behaviour: they still get removed and reported, but it does kind of explain why you're seeing more of it.
 
I think it makes sense to talk to youth captains at 16U (maybe 14U) and higher about players. I don't think it makes any sense to expect them to be a go-between with the coaches. We need to own that adult-adult conversation.
 
But imagine, if a kid is telling an adult to shut up and let us play, how well would that drive the point home.
 
one said:
But imagine, if a kid is telling an adult to shut up and let us play, how well would that drive the point home.
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If a kid who is also a player tells me to shut up and let's play, he gets a booking. That drives the point home well enough.
 
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