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Well, I got in between him and the offender and gave him a light one-handed push. Did something in an assessed game earlier this season and the assessor praised the way I handled the situation...

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Well, if you write a detailed report they'll perhaps appoint an experienced referee for the next game...

The Teofilo Gutierrez incident yesterday made me think of something else: If a player steals your vanishing spray and sprays you in the face, what do you do?

For once I did a U18 girls' game yesterday. Easiest game by far this season, no major incidents up to 5 minutes from full time. A player lands on her back during an aerial challenge, I don't give a free kick, perhaps I should have, the ball is kicked out and I run across to the player who is...

He should have been cautioned IMO, not for the offense of holding the ball too long, but for refusing to put it down after the whistle. That's delaying the restart.

One more: During the game a substitution is carried out. The player who enters the field has a rather alternative "name" on the back of his shirt- "You knobheads" and 69 as a number. What is your decision?

Will we ever encouter these situations? Probably not! But what would you do if they were to happen? 1. An attacker is running towards the goalkeeper with no defender able to stop him. The goalkeeper's mate is standing next to the goal, holding his pit bull. The goalkeeper shouts at his friend...

Couldn't you classify the kiss as an "offensive, insulting or abusive gesture"?

What about the kiss?

Well, this isn't football, but why can't it happen in a football game? What would your punishment be for this player? I would go with red for OFFINABUS (gestures).