Had a pretty intense game today, but felt I handled things fairly well. I gave three yellow cards; in the first half, persistence (player A). In the second, one for tripping and another for persistence. In the second half, I sent off player A after he shouted "it's b0ll0cks" after not getting a decision. He claimed he was speaking to his manager, but I perceived it to be regarding my decision so he walked. After the game, the home manager was friendly and asked about my decisions in a friendly way and told me I had a good game. A young referee (of similar age to me) also said I controlled things well. The away team manager however came over and was very confrontational. He asked what the second yellow was for and I told him I spoke to both captains regarding the swearing as it's not needed in an U15 game. He said "but it wasn't at you, he was speaking to me". He then went on to say "I think you've had a really poor game" and that he's going to be "reporting the red" to get it rescinded. I told him it wasn't even my 10th game and that I'd be speaking to my RDO. Bearing all this in mind, he began to get closer and more intimidating and said "well pro refs don't send off players for swearing". At this point the home manager stepped in, putting his hand in the way of him and telling him "that isn't really relevant" and we then all went away to go home. On my way back with my parents, some spectators came over to me and said I did really well and that was exactly what the away team needed. Apparently they played each other recently and there was a fight, but the ref didn't book anyone at all. Surprise surprise... the ref was the away team manager. But just wanted to get everyone's opinions. I've submitted my cards and added a misconduct report against the manager, as he was intimidating and I presume if he's done it to me, he's going to do it again or has done it in the past. What does everyone think? Would appreciate support and advice here as I'm still waiting for my RDOs to get back to me.
My first red, three yellows & an aggressive manager... in a youth game
one
RefChat Addict
First of all well done for the self reflection and most definitely reporting the manager. Sounds like you did well overall and even more credit to you for managing a difficult game with little experience you have had. First red is a difficult one and you got that out of the way.
Now on to things you could have perhaps done a bit better. I am only going by your description here.
Swearing is not mentioned in law so as such it should be assessed to see if one of the offences mentioned in law can apply to it. If it's offensive, insulting or abusive then it's a red (OFFINABUS). If it's dissent (in disagreement with your decision) then it's yellow. If it's not either, then it's play on (most times). From your description it sounded more like dissent. Generally low level swear words used about your decisions are dissent, if about you then it's more likely OFFINABUS. Context and the manner it is said are big factors here.
When a manager approaches you asking what a decision was for, politely respond the actual reason in law (i.e. in your case for offensive language). Avoid any follow up questions and politely walk away closing the conversation by saying you don't wish to debate the decision. Don't get into an argument with team officials or players. Its not a good idea to tell a manager it's not even your 10th game. It would sound like you are giving a reason for not doing a good job (but you did) and looking for sympathy.
With more games and more experience you will learn how to manage confronting managers (or players) after the game better. Your RDO will be able to give further advice.
Now on to things you could have perhaps done a bit better. I am only going by your description here.
Swearing is not mentioned in law so as such it should be assessed to see if one of the offences mentioned in law can apply to it. If it's offensive, insulting or abusive then it's a red (OFFINABUS). If it's dissent (in disagreement with your decision) then it's yellow. If it's not either, then it's play on (most times). From your description it sounded more like dissent. Generally low level swear words used about your decisions are dissent, if about you then it's more likely OFFINABUS. Context and the manner it is said are big factors here.
When a manager approaches you asking what a decision was for, politely respond the actual reason in law (i.e. in your case for offensive language). Avoid any follow up questions and politely walk away closing the conversation by saying you don't wish to debate the decision. Don't get into an argument with team officials or players. Its not a good idea to tell a manager it's not even your 10th game. It would sound like you are giving a reason for not doing a good job (but you did) and looking for sympathy.
With more games and more experience you will learn how to manage confronting managers (or players) after the game better. Your RDO will be able to give further advice.
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The manager will have been doing that to refs since he started and he will have been doing that his entire life when he played. The advice regarding not getting into a debate by the previous poster is very sensible. I was terrible for doing that when I first started reffing last season, getting involved in 'debates because I knew I was right with questions 're the law. In reality, the managers/players I was debating with didn't really want an explanation, they want an outlet for their frustration, so I answer any question and if they want further debate they don't get it from me now. They may come with the intention of "can I just ask a question", but if they continue after you've provided an answer then they werent there to ask the question at all, they were there to have a go.
The way your post read suggests that you had a good game. Well done, on to the next one.
As for "I'll report you". I probably get that once every couple of months in OA football, usually from players. Again, don't debate or invite them to do just that as I used to do (moron), just ignore.
My experiences (2nd season ref but played well over 1000 amateur games and a season at supply) is that nothing is personal, it just appears that way when you're a new ref. You kind of assume that you're not as good as other refs because you're new (that's definitely not the case!). The truth is that the players/coaches who are frustrated will always target the man in black, it's not personal at all and it's certainly not the first time it's happened. Deal with it as the good book tells you too and then it's on to the next match.
Apologies for the ridiculously long post!
The way your post read suggests that you had a good game. Well done, on to the next one.
As for "I'll report you". I probably get that once every couple of months in OA football, usually from players. Again, don't debate or invite them to do just that as I used to do (moron), just ignore.
My experiences (2nd season ref but played well over 1000 amateur games and a season at supply) is that nothing is personal, it just appears that way when you're a new ref. You kind of assume that you're not as good as other refs because you're new (that's definitely not the case!). The truth is that the players/coaches who are frustrated will always target the man in black, it's not personal at all and it's certainly not the first time it's happened. Deal with it as the good book tells you too and then it's on to the next match.
Apologies for the ridiculously long post!
Thanks so much! I definitely know it’s not personal, as a player for 10 years and I’m not affected by any of that. I would’ve definitely walked away and told him I didn’t want to continue but I was still putting all my equipment away in my bag so had nowhere to go... Apart from speaking to the manager, I do feel like I had a good game and it was really uplifting to get the support of spectators after the game. Again, thank you for the reply
santa sangria
RefChat Addict
You did ace Alex, well done!
It's remarkably difficult in your early days (It was for me anyway) to resist the urge to respond to the nonsense you get as a ref as a former payer, particularly when the standard we officiate at in the early stages of our refereeing journey can be rather mixed! Did a game today, lowest side in a very average amateur league against a team 3 divisions higher. Pitch (school) hadn't been marked on the Friday as the caretaker was ill so lines weren't visible unless you were stood next to them, barely 2 passes strung together all game, about 20 one on ones etc. Gave a free kick just outside the area (which wasn't visible from 10 yards away where I was so I had to get 2 yards away before giving the decision) "have you ever played the game ref". The urge to tell them that ive never played at a standard even as close to the c*** on display today was there but I resisted. County Cup game and I never mentioned to anyone despite the dissent that I've won 3 of them, progress lol.
Seriously though, don't over think the game, just quickly decide what you will do next time if u feel that u made a mistake and then move on. It's an incredibly difficult job after all
Seriously though, don't over think the game, just quickly decide what you will do next time if u feel that u made a mistake and then move on. It's an incredibly difficult job after all
Cheers for the reply and advice! As I said in the reply I just made, I would’ve liked to close the conversation before anything escalated I just had nowhere to go as I was putting all my equipment away
I’ll definitely keep it all in mind for next time. I’ll also avoid saying about my (lack of) experience next time. I really appreciate the feedback by the wayThank you so much!
Hahahaha it does get frustrating at times but tbh I really enjoy it and the challenge. I do feel I’m getting better game by game. cheers for the reply too!