Interior: cheap café. All the customers are Vikings. Mr and Mrs Bun enter—downwards (on wires).
Mr. Bun:
Morning.
Waitress:
Morning.
Mr. Bun:
What have you got, then?
Waitress:
Well there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or lobster thermidor aux crevettes, with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle paté, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam.
Mrs. Bun:
Have you got anything without spam in it?
Waitress:
Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That's not got MUCH spam in it.
Mrs. Bun:
I don't want ANY spam.
Mr. Bun:
Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage?
Mrs. Bun:
That's got spam in it!
Mr. Bun:
Not as much as spam, egg, sausage and spam.
Mrs. Bun:
Look, could I have egg, bacon, spam and sausage, without the spam.
Waitress:
Uuuuuuggggh!
Mrs Bun:
What d'you mean, uugggh! I don't like spam.
Vikings:
(singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ... spam, spam, spam, spam ... lovely spam, wonderful spam ...
(Brief shot of a Viking ship)
Waitress:
Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Mrs. Bun:
Why not?
Waitress:
No, it wouldn't be egg, bacon, spam and sausage, would it?
Mrs. Bun:
I don't like spam!
Mr. Bun:
Don't make a fuss, dear. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ...
Vikings:
(singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam ...
Mr. Bun:
... baked beans, spam, spam and spam.
Waitress:
Baked beans are off.
Mr. Bun:
Well can I have spam instead?
Waitress:
You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam?
Vikings:
(still singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam ... (etc.)
Mr. Bun:
Yes.
Waitress:
Arrggh!
Vikings:
... lovely spam, wonderful spam.
Waitress:
Shut up! Shut up!
(The Vikings shut up momentarily. Enter the Hungarian.)
Hungarian:
Great boobies honeybun, my lower intestine is full of spam, egg, spam, bacon, spam, tomato, spam ...
Vikings:
(Singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam ...
(A policeman rushes in and bundles the Hungarian out.)
Hungarian:
(As he leaves) My nipples explode ...