I apologise for the length of this post. [EDIT] this perhaps should be in Match Incidents. But as a reasonably new referee (qualified in the summer), I thought I'd post it here.
I have refereed a couple of handfuls of games now (15-20). Most have gone without any major incident. I do the refereeing for one club and most of the players, parents and managers know me quite well. I managed one of the teams for a number of years and stepped down last year.
However the last couple of games have been absolutely awful and I would like some advise about what I should be doing differently. These are U13 and U14 games, not adults. I am a 30 year old adult so can handle most people around the pitch, but we do have a 16 year old who does referee this age group - which concerns me.
First game - U13s;
The game was 0-2 and there were are couple of decisions I made. A key one was one player (away) jumped (barged) into the back of someone, I gave a free kick to the home team. Explained to the child that side to side without being excessive is fine, but not through the back. Parents were not happy with it but let it go. However 5 minutes later the same player (away) was running alongside another player (home, who had the ball), tripped over his own feet and I carried on play. The parents were furious that I didn't give the away team a freekick. I still don't know why they were complaining. The game continued for another couple of minutes and the ball went out for a corner to the home team. One parent in particular was excessively shouting. I paused the game to go and speak to him. At this point there was 4 minutes until full time.
My mistakes - I went over the sideline and asked the spectator to calm down because I am the referee, I make the decisions and he needs to respect everyone on the pitch, not be so angry his face had gone red (I didn't say the latter). He did not shut up. I then asked him to leave the area. He refused. I asked him once again as I could not continue with this abuse and I would abandon the game. He continued, refused to leave. I abandoned the game. The manager spoke to me and asked me to continue the game for the sake of the children. I should have spoken to the manager before speaking to the spectator (mistake one). I agreed to continue the game (mistake two), but would be reporting it. I did report it to the league and the local FA. The game ended 1-2 (the home team scored in those last 4 minutes). The home team were happy with my refereeing.
Second game - U14s
Parents shouting and commenting on some decisions from the other side of the pitch. I ignore. There was then a crunching late tackle by a home player, side on, clipped the ball but took the player first, sliding. I quickly blew my whistle and gave a free kick. I did not give a caution (but should have), I did speak to the player and he apologised straight away. A few away players were then constantly sarcastic towards me, and generally were cursing during the game. I spoke to the linesman (away parent) at half time and said yes it should have been a caution, but I cannot go back and change my mind. He understood this and mentioned that he thinks I am losing control.
A minute into the second half one of the away players then went sliding in, nowhere near taking the ball and going straight for the player. The player was cautioned. His parent was then furious with me. The manager then substituted that player.
I then had another 20 minutes of shouting from the sidelines, sarcasm from away opposition of being biased. At one point I had a parent shout "You are a s*** referee".
Overall, the away team had approximately 15 free kicks, all of them were niggles, a couple of handballs. Nothing malicious or really purposeful, just some players on the home team weren't very good footballers. The home team only had a couple of free-kicks during the game. I did not give the away team a penalty when the ball hit a home players arm (the arm was down by his side and the ball hit him from 5 yards). The law states the handball has to be deliberate so I did not give it. I stand by this decision.
My mistakes - after the game I tried to explain to the players firstly, that yes the first half should have had a caution for the challenge, but that does not mean they can start retaliating and I had to put a stop to it. Some of their players were very nice and said thanks for explaining and parents were nice. Some players complete opposite and continued to be sarcastic. I then went and spoke to the parent who was shouting abuse at me, he did not take kindly to this and said he has been playing football for years and he can say what he likes to me when I am refereeing. I then explained that it an U14s game and this is not the same as an adults, I do not expect swearing from players and I expect all spectators to behave and support everyone on the pitch. Eventually he calmed down and just said that I should learn how to speak to people.
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So my questions
- Am I right in sticking to my guts from Game 1 and abandoning the game? In future I will obviously speak to the manager first. But should I just accept that parents will be constantly shouting at me? I hadn't really had it before.
- Should I accept U13s and U14s swearing (not necessarily at me) during the game? Personally if that was my child I would not be happy and therefore count it as foul and abusive language. But the Laws of the Game it is a sending off. I am still not sure what to do in this case. If the swearing was directed at me, it would be a straight sending off, but if it's general swearing?
- In the first game I did give a caution for dissent. If a player disagrees with me and says so, I can accept. But this was constant from one player and after I told him he needs to stop, he continued. The caution then came. Do I stamp out ALL chatting back and give cautions? Or do I let them have a small tantrum at a decision. I find it difficult to think what should I just ignore and what should I caution for.
- Is it worth asking the local FA for another more experienced referee to come and mentor me? I am an adult, and refereeing children's games, but the last two games have made me start questioning my ability. I wouldn't say I am aiming to be a Premier League referee, but would look for a promotion or two
- Both games the home team were happy with my performance. But I am not sure if they are just saying this because they know me. They have asked me to referee instead of the younger 16 year old referee they have because he hasn't been as forceful as me on fouling (even though I STILL get shouted at my spectators)
If you managed to get here, thank you very much.