Well, as a NAR, you should only be flagging for a penalty if the ref is looking for help, or if the ref is completely unsighted. What gets complicated is when the ref thinks he has a good view, but doesn't....
Anyway, the problem with DHB is that at the wrong angle, you can think it hit the arm when it really hit the chest or torso. And I guarantee we've all given those.
Of course, same applies in reverse.
As an AR here, IMO you should really only signal if the ref looks over to you for help, or it's completely and utterly out of view (eg behind his back). Otherwise, PA needs to belong to the referee.
So in this case, unless the ref looks over, if the AR thinks the ref has a reasonable view, leave it be. Again, gets a bit trickier if the AR thinks the ref was looking through a crowd - but you've got to respect the referee and when he appears to have a view and it's a long way from the AR, leave it be. Because you don't just have a judgement on whether handling occurred - but also judgement on if it's deliberate. The ref may have seen it an think it's accidental.
Of course, when there's a penalty shout, referee needs to instantly call out his denial, in my view. A response is needed - and it's not just communicating it to the players and spectators, but to the AR! A response says 'I've seen it and it's not a penalty' (even if you haven't seen it). No response says 'No idea what happened! What's for tea?'.
A loud shout by the referee would have stopped this problem. Not sure? Glance to the AR first. AR sees this glance, knows his opinion is wanted, up goes the flag. Seamless mechanics, most people won't even realise how the decision was made.
If ref shouts out no, and flag goes up - shout it out again and to keep playing.
No decision and flag goes up? Well, ref needs to decide - how certain is he that there was no foul? In theory the AR should only be flagging if he's 100% certain. So I'd say the ref would have to be 100% certain of no foul to overrule - but if so, then definitely overrule away. We've all seen overzealous AR's who flag when they shouldn't and when they're less than certain.
Especially in this scenario - we all know that too many referees would want to penalise the accidental handling that denies a goal.
so the ref is faced with that possibility.
Just a reminder
that accidental handling that denies a goal is not a foul
If there's a natural stoppage, then the referee may wish to discuss it with the AR, particularly if he's confident with doubt that there was no foul. But this comes down to the referee's level of doubt/certainty if he wants to have a chat or not.
But this sounds like poor teamwork/mechanics by both parties - though at this age, they could be young/experienced. Getting these things right really is the finer side of refereeing.
Good on you for speaking to people at the ground to set things straight, and having a chat to the referee. Great to see you using your experience - and I think it's great when referees talk to the crowd like this. I often find that at youth football people are quite responsive to this.
But friendly or no, red card is mandatory if the foul is given. If any doubts about it being 'friendly' - a stadium with a few hundred spectators should be enough of a reminder that it's a game that needs to be handled 'properly'.
Has to walk then, unless you are willing to overrule the assistant and effectively hang him out to dry.
I disagree wholeheartedly with the 'have to give it because it's flagged' approach. sounds like the NAR is the one who hung the ref out to dry.