A&H

Incident today

S

spuddy1878

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Game Under 13s not too many decisions in the game certainly no big ones.

Ten minutes to go game is 1-1 free kick given for defensive team for a push 25/30 yards from own goal towards the touchline.

Opposition manager says "Ref you are a f****g joke"

I walked off the side of the pitch away from rest of parents and said manager a word please, he replied NO, i asked him a further three times manager come here please, NO

What should my decision have been ?
 
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spuddy1878 said:
Game Under 13s not too many decisions in the game certainly no big ones.

Ten minutes to go game is 1-1 free kick given for defensive team for a push 25/30 yards from own goal towards the touchline.

Opposition manager says "Ref you are a f****g joke"

I walked off the side of the pitch away from rest of parents and said manager a word please, he replied NO, i asked him a further three times manager come here please, NO

What should my decision have been ?
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"You've got two options, a quick chat or I will ask you to leave"
Then if he doesn't, as in your situation, give him another ultimatum.
"You've got two minutes to leave or this game will be abandoned and you will be reported"
 
If a manager's head is off he isn't going to want to have a calm and polite conversation... When a manager speaks out, you either you ignore it and move on, you warn them that the behavior needs to stop, or you allow them a minute or two to retreat to the parking lot before abandoning the match (none of which are requests). Your desire to be diplomatic is admirable, but most of the time conversing with a hothead is a fool's errand.
 
Seeing as he said “you” along with the F bomb I’d have binned him straight off same as if a player had said it to me.
 
Sam_C said:
If a manager's head is off he isn't going to want to have a calm and polite conversation... When a manager speaks out, you either you ignore it and move on, you warn them that the behavior needs to stop, or you allow them a minute or two to retreat to the parking lot before abandoning the match (none of which are requests). Your desire to be diplomatic is admirable, but most of the time conversing with a hothead is a fool's errand.
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Would You not try to deescalate the situation????? Tell the coach that if his erratic behaviour continues he will be asked to vacate the Playing enclosure
It would be at the point of talking to the coach for a second time that I Personally would be asking him to vacate the Playing enclosure
 
My advice, for what it's worth, is to give a very clear and loud warning before you go ahead with getting him to leave. That way you've set your precedent and if he goes against it then everyone will have heard the warning and everyone can clearly hear that you gave him/her a clear chance to change their behaviour but they decided against it. Then loudly say that they have 2 mins to leave the PA and surrounding area or the match will be abandoned. Usually they will argue a bit more then sense will either set in with the manager or the players/parents who will help in removing him. I've done this twice and each time the manager has left and the players, fans and opposite manager all say "you warned him so fair enough". It's the easiest way to manage the situation imo
 
Richard smith said:
Would You not try to deescalate the situation?????
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My decision would change depending on the temperature of the match, the setting, if and how well I knew the guy, and of course, my mood that day ;) The reason I didn't give a direct answer to the original question was because there are too many unknown variables, and obviously, I don't know why the original poster chose to be diplomatic in the first place. Of course, I don't nuke the T.A. every time a coach speaks out. Instead, I was suggesting that a calm and polite two-sided conversation like OP appeared to be looking for was unlikely and that requesting a conversation instead of making a decision and then saying your piece may prove futile.
 
spuddy1878 said:
Game Under 13s not too many decisions in the game certainly no big ones.

Ten minutes to go game is 1-1 free kick given for defensive team for a push 25/30 yards from own goal towards the touchline.

Opposition manager says "Ref you are a f****g joke"

I walked off the side of the pitch away from rest of parents and said manager a word please, he replied NO, i asked him a further three times manager come here please, NO

What should my decision have been ?
Click to expand...
Shouting this in a U13 game sees him leaving the pitch side for me simple as that
 
Richard smith said:
Would You not try to deescalate the situation????? Tell the coach that if his erratic behaviour continues he will be asked to vacate the Playing enclosure
It would be at the point of talking to the coach for a second time that I Personally would be asking him to vacate the Playing enclosure
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Deescalate? He's already crossed the line too far for that. Roadblocks/escalation procedure are for when people are pushing the line. What he's said would be a red card if a player said it. Nothing to deescalate there.

Only thing that needs to be said is "game won't resume until you're in the carpark"

Richard smith said:
Has anyone ever been in the situation, where a coach threatens to take his team with him on being removed from the paying enclosure????
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"and how much worse do you think that's going to be for you and your team once the FA receives that report?"

If he does it, so be it. You get an early afternoon
 
Richard smith said:
Has anyone ever been in the situation, where a coach threatens to take his team with him on being removed from the paying enclosure????[
Taking your players off and refusing to play comes with big consequences from one game I did only last season
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I had it last season, warned manager the first time so when I had to go over again he was walking. He refused to go, giving it the old "it's a public park" justification so I told him if he didn't go I would be abandoning. Still wouldn't go so I hit the whistle three times, he got the message at this point and trudged off.
 
RustyRef said:
I had it last season, warned manager the first time so when I had to go over again he was walking. He refused to go, giving it the old "it's a public park" justification so I told him if he didn't go I would be abandoning. Still wouldn't go so I hit the whistle three times, he got the message at this point and trudged off.
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Did you restart after blowing the final whistle?
 
If he had came over when i asked it would have been a simple chat, i understand your frustration but the language is unacceptable, there is ten minutes to go in the game lets keep a lid on it and we will say no more.
 
spuddy1878 said:
If he had came over when i asked it would have been a simple chat, i understand your frustration but the language is unacceptable, there is ten minutes to go in the game lets keep a lid on it and we will say no more.
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I wouldn’t give him the chance , he’s there coaching u13 and if I was a parent of one of the kids I would be having a stern word with him also .
 
The parents all pretty much stuck up for him saying he wasn't talking to me (id suggest the comment that started with Ref you're effing joke says otherwise)

He had been fine all game, no issues thats why i was willing to let the outburst pass.
 
spuddy1878 said:
The parents all pretty much stuck up for him saying he wasn't talking to me (id suggest the comment that started with Ref you're effing joke says otherwise)

He had been fine all game, no issues thats why i was willing to let the outburst pass.
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Whoever he was saying it to would make no difference to me but it’s your call you were there not me .
Seem a nice bunch of parents BTW !
 
I did say that to them despite trying not to get invoked in a conversation with 15 kids and 15 parents, by defending him you're saying its acceptable.

How will the kids ever learn when they think this is ok.
 
Can you send a coach away when he is responsible for a team of children?
 
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