A&H

Let myself down, let you lot down.

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Mick.

Mick.

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A salutary lesson. Last Tuesday I had a cracking game (which was assessed). Both teams wanted to play football and got on and did so. Minor answering back on decisions but nothing that warranted more than a quiet word.
Wednesday, a lower league game who appeared to want to play football but at an obviously poorer standard. About 10 minutes in Green defender bent over and backed into Yellow attacker going for a header. This has been discussed recently on another post. I saw it as an unfair "charge" and blew up for a foul. Green defender started shouting at me that it was never a foul. I repeated that it was a foul "charge" and that the foul stood. He then said, not particularly loudly - enough for me to hear from 10m away, "how is that a foul you pr@ck?"
I called the captain over, explained to him why the foul was a foul and then turned to the Green defender and said, "Call me a pr@ck again and you are walking." Whaaat? I didn't even give him a yellow!!!! I have no idea why not. I have never let a player talk to me like that before. His captain cuffed him around the head and told him to keep his mouth shut and, in fairness, I never had another issue with this player again, but what on earth was I thinking?
Needless to say, about 15 minutes later, there was a disputed foul by Yellow which resulted in me talking to the Yellow captain about arguing with my decision. As soon as he was close enough he said, "Can I just remind you ref that you let Green go for calling you a pr@ck." He was absolutely right. How could I really card him when I haven't even carded someone for OFFINABUS directed at me? I did work on the basis of the stepped approach and gave him a public word of advice, but even so..... To compound things, while the Yellow captain was walking towards me, the Green player who fouled him had a go at him about throwing himself to the floor and called him a "fat f@cker". I had determined that this was OFFINABUS, but when I finished dealing with the Yellow captain and called the Green player to me the two passed each other and shook hands. To my mind, especially considering that I hadn't dealt with the previous OFFINABUS properly, this was sufficient to give him a public word of advice as the Yellow captain did not seem to be offended. It was extremely weak on my part and I just felt worse as the match progressed when I heard the Yellow lino moaning about how it was a personal comment about the Yellow captain.
As far as I was concerned, my match control was shot to bits. It didn't happen often, but any time that a player gobbed off I couldn't justify to myself carding him, having not dealt with the earlier issues properly. I tried to "manage" it with having public rebukes but felt like I had really sold my soul. Towards the end of the game I called a player over and with the captain said, "I am sorry, I have not controlled this match properly, but will be doing so from now on. One more word from you or (to the captain) your team and I will be getting the cards out."
I did have a bit of a let off as there were very little comments after that.
Don't get me wrong, the game was not full of dissent, but there were niggly bits that probably would not have happened if I had dealt with things properly. I don't know why I didn't. I just know that I want to get back into a match (back on the horse so to speak) and ensure that future dissent/Offinabus is dealt with appropriately.
I know that I should reflect on my performance and then move on, which is what I have done, but I do still believe that I have let myself down and, by extension, let you lot down too. To next week's ref, sorry mate.
 
The Referee Store
Being a bit harsh on yourself mate. Sounds like from what you are saying that you went into the game a little over confident after a great performance the game before. This then led to you trying to manage a situation you should have acted on possibly and then another player managed to crawl into to your ear and pop your confidence bubble.

You won't be the only one of us who has done this. You won't be the last.

When you felt your match control was slipping and your confidence ebbed away, looking back now what would you have done differently?
 
The fact you are aware you failed makes you better than most refs.
Remember this feeling and use it to motivate you next time to issue the red.
 
SM said:
When you felt your match control was slipping and your confidence ebbed away, looking back now what would you have done differently?
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Like I said, I just don't know why I didn't hit him with a red the first time. Looking back I would have done just that. Had I not done, I shouldn't have let the other one get in my head and should have carried on as normal regardless of the blip. I know that players will moan about inconsistency but, having made the mistake of not issuing the red I should have identified that I had made a mistake and then been consistent from then on.
Oh well. On the plus side, I got a 75 for my assessment and I've just been invited to do the middle for a league cup final (with three other officials). And I've learned that this one will be my third assessment. So I must be doing something right. At least I will know not to go into the game too confident.;)
 
Mick. said:
Oh well. On the plus side, I got a 75 for my assessment and I've just been invited to do the middle for a league cup final (with three other officials). And I've learned that this one will be my third assessment. So I must be doing something right. At least I will know not to go into the game too confident.;)
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Another political pawn in the making ;)
 
Not quite sure if you're taking the p%ss, having a pop or what. Dont really get your post.
 
Mick. said:
Not quite sure if you're taking the p%ss, having a pop or what. Dont really get your post.
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He's saying that to get to higher levels you generally need to 'manage' games rather than follow through with the correct sanctions .. don't worry, nothing personal :)
 
Just to echo the others, don't be too hard on yourself mate! What you talk about here is my biggest problem - that I know I haven't handled something properly and it stays in my head for the rest of the game. Yesterday I let a really poor sliding challenge go without a word or a yellow - both of which were justified (gave the FK though). Got a couple of comments like 'aren't you even going to have a word ref?' and, by that point, it was too late (I would've just been responding to the complaint). Found myself thinking about it 10 mins later and realised it was affecting my concentration.

The thing is, once it's happened, it's happened - and you either get away with it or not. All you can do, I think, is move on and accept you might be being inconsistent but at the end of the day the next decision - and how you take action - is the one that matters.
 
I trawled through just for that? Pfft.

Is that all you've got? There was me thinking it was going to be something like allowing a player to stay on because he apologised for a 'bit of afters' after headbutting someone :eek: :rolleyes: (I may have been there once upon a time, long ago).

Bounce back. :D
 
Whilst it does generally help coming off the back of a good game it helps to approach every game level headed and to ALWAYS seek to improve. I refereed a cup final last Sunday, had plaudits from both sides and widespread praise but as I was coming off my concern was 'what could I improve? ' My point is by striving to constantly improve it keeps me grounded.
 
SM said:
Being a bit harsh on yourself mate. Sounds like from what you are saying that you went into the game a little over confident after a great performance the game before. This then led to you trying to manage a situation you should have acted on possibly and then another player managed to crawl into to your ear and pop your confidence bubble.

You won't be the only one of us who has done this. You won't be the last.

When you felt your match control was slipping and your confidence ebbed away, looking back now what would you have done differently?
Click to expand...
There comes a time when talking has to stop and action with either a caution or send off is the only option. I would consider a caution every time if dissent was directed at myself or any of the players in a manner that you described. Remember you have a duty of care for next weeks officials.
 
Chizzy73 said:
if dissent was directed at myself or any of the players
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@Chizzy73 , totally agree with the general point you're making. And I supported that point of view very clearly in our Supply League refs meeting this week. But let's not confuse dissent with other (similar) offences. Any language aimed at other players rather than the ref is far more likely to be Offinabus and so red not yellow . If you decide to caution instead I guess you'd be saying it's for generally Unsporting Behaviour?
 
If it was really angry vile dissent then they would be off in a heart beat. And anything else said on their way off then there would be a misconduct report going in aswell.
 
Hi Mick..
Each game is a learning curve.. At least they were all standing and you were still standing too...
You reflected on your performance, actions and decisions..
That alone is a unique quality.. Congratulate your self on starting, continuing and completing a match.
Do not ever forget the preparation for your next match starts the moment you reach home and organise the kit/kits bag/bags for your next match.....
Well done..... 😊
 
mick as the other guys have said dont beat yourself up about it at least you realised you ..... up
many refs dont, if i can give you any advice try to forget it until afer the game because if you are thinking about a bad decision you might miss an even bigger incident
 
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