A&H

No sense of humour

SM

SM

The avuncular one
on the weekend, me and my assistants are having a pre match chat in one of the goals mouths. An away team coach comes on and shakes our hands and introduces himself. He remarks that the pitch is very heavy and it is going to be hard for everyone today.

"That's alright mate, I referee from the centre circle, so I don't really run more than 10 yards at a time!" :D

Without even so much as a smile he says "well it will be hard for everyone else..." And wanders off.

The pitch was incredibly heavy :D
 
The Referee Store
I worked with a guy a year (or so) ago and the coach of one team (this was the university level, which here in Canada is quite a high level of play, likely the highest amateur level out there) made a comment similar to that.

The ref walked out onto the field, stomped a bit, looked around, and then asked for a lawn chair to be set up "here".

He winked at me and we walked away from the coach back to the change room to get our uniforms on and sure enough, there was actually a lawn chair out there when we came out for the game.
 
Being of larger stature I sometimes ask if a team have had their field rolled recently to flatten it out. I then tell them they won't need to worry about the bit in the middle as I'll do that for them...
 
Funny thing i heard this weekend.

Player miscontrols a pass and as the ball rolls away from him he uttered under his breath " Come here you slag"!

First time hearing that :)
 
I had a player in Sunday wanting his team mate to touch the ball back to him... Screaming at the top of his voic 'TOUCH ME!! TOUCH ME'... Not something you hear every Sunday in Westmorland...
 
I must admit I've played 5-a-side 3 times a week for 15 years, I've heard all sorts of rubbish.

A recent one was 'big pinch, big pinch', but a few others that stick in the memory were 'touch him in', 'guide him in', 'get tight up his @rse', 'give it to me harder next time' and 'take him, take him'.

I usually find its the players who think they're much better than they are that give it lips. The big pinch lad was one of the best I've played with or against for a long time, but such a diva it's untrue.
 
I have posted this before, but because I love it here it is again:

Player on the floor after challenge. "Ref! He has taken me from behind! He has taken me from behind!"

As long as you keep it safe eh?
 
Or reading it a different way the initial shout could be shock followed by pleading with team mates for assistance :D
 
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I had the same thing lol was refereeing a game n this player said UP HIS @RSE, UP HIS @RSE. Found it quite funny n quite hard when refereeing and laughing at the same time lol
 
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