A&H

Should I ask for a mentor

J

Jack M

Active Member
Level 6 Referee
Hi guys,

I stopped doing adult football in February as my confidence was completely shot. In fact, I even considered giving up completely.
However, I was supported by friends (some I know from school and some I met refereeing) who helped me finish last season doing just doing youth football and towards the end I was starting to enjoy it again.
This season I hav just done youth games (majority being U15s upwards) and my marks are looking good (lowest average of 84) and I am starting to really enjoy it again and getting confidence back.

I am now considering returning to adult football this season and I am looking to be an assistant on my local saturday league (Essex Suffolk Border).

Would it be useful for me to ask for a mentor when I start doing adult middles again and is this provided by my local FA?
 
The Referee Store
Jack M said:
Hi guys,

I stopped doing adult football in February as my confidence was completely shot. In fact, I even considered giving up completely.
However, I was supported by friends (some I know from school and some I met refereeing) who helped me finish last season doing just doing youth football and towards the end I was starting to enjoy it again.
This season I hav just done youth games (majority being U15s upwards) and my marks are looking good (lowest average of 84) and I am starting to really enjoy it again and getting confidence back.

I am now considering returning to adult football this season and I am looking to be an assistant on my local saturday league (Essex Suffolk Border).

Would it be useful for me to ask for a mentor when I start doing adult middles again and is this provided by my local FA?
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Interesting post @Jack M
Your RDO should be able to put you in touch with a mentor
I'm curious as to why you lost your enthusiasm for open age. Were you just getting loads of stick or was there something else putting you off?
I see that you're a young chap, so you've got bags of time in your favour. Personally, i'd want to build confidence slowly by asking for more U18 appointments before charging back into the rigours of OA
 
Ask for a mentor?

Sure. Why not?

That's the whole reason for the concept to exist. Someone like yourself who could use a little support and advice over a series of matches before transitioning again from youth to OA is, I'd say prime candidate material for a bit of mentoring.

Speak to your RDO and be honest with them (if they don't know your story already) and see what comes of it. As Big Cat says, you're still quite young and have time on your side. :)
 
OA isn’t for everyone, many refs wouldn’t touch one with a barge pole. Good luck either way. Most important is do what you’re comfortable with, don’t get forced to do anything you don’t want to!
 
Big Cat said:
Interesting post @Jack M
Your RDO should be able to put you in touch with a mentor
I'm curious as to why you lost your enthusiasm for open age. Were you just getting loads of stick or was there something else putting you off?
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I think it was a bit of both if I'm being honest. There were things going on behind closed doors which may have made things worse and when reffing it just seemed that ecery decision I made was met with vitriol or snide comments which constantly dragged my confidence down.
 
Just to add my thoughts, do (as you are doing) more lines; it’s a totally different experience to being on your own in the middle in a “dog and duck league” game.

Working as part of a team may re-ignite your enthusiasm.

I’d still rather do the middle (either with or without assistants), but this season i’ve done quite a lot of lines as well and am increasingly enjoying the experience. Variety is the spice of life, and all that.
 
Saturdays Leagues, just below that in which NARs are the norm, must be the toughest environment in which to referee. And yet, it's an unavoidable stomping ground for referees with the least experience. The players are sometimes stuck at that level because of poor discipline and the wannabe managers are no better. The numbers of refs who surpass this level is more than matched by those who decide, 'you know what?... I've had it with being treated like a traffic warden'
 
Big Cat said:
Saturdays Leagues, just below that in which NARs are the norm, must be the toughest environment in which to referee. And yet, it's an unavoidable stomping ground for referees with the least experience. The players are sometimes stuck at that level because of poor discipline and the wannabe managers are no better. The numbers of refs who surpass this level is more than matched by those who decide, 'you know what?... I've had it with being treated like a traffic warden'
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You can’t park that there BC 😂
 
Sunday League isn't as bad in my experience. Boozed up preparations, turning up right on KO and playing with mates, is less of a headache than dealing with comparable individuals attempting to take the game seriously
 
Sundays is worse than saturdays no doubt!!

Strangely I had a call today from an old whingey player now player manager asking for my services on saturday, I booked him loads of times but he still comes back for more.

Earn your spurs and they all become a doddle eventually!!! For me, harder the better, bring em on!!!
 
Sheffields Finest said:
Sundays is worse than saturdays no doubt!!

Strangely I had a call today from an old whingey player now player manager asking for my services on saturday, I booked him loads of times but he still comes back for more.

Earn your spurs and they all become a doddle eventually!!! For me, harder the better, bring em on!!!
Click to expand...

Sundays is different to Saturdays, but not necessarily worse. As Big Cat has said, the problem with fairly senior Saturday football, so say step 7 and below, is the players are so close to the semi-pro game but can't quite get there. You therefore have the wannabees that can't get there and it isn't their fault, and the already-been-there's who have dropped back down. That almost certainly won't have been their fault either, and they will have been victimised by managers, team mates, and most likely referees who drove them away from that level. Absolutely nonsense of course, but that is what is in their heads. They can be a nightmare to manage, similar to when I was L3 refereeing at steps 3 and 4 and had to deal with players and coaches that had been at the top level. Jody Morris, Neil Shipperley and James Scowcroft are names that spring to mind, and I sent the latter off when he was playing for Bury St Edmonds.

Sundays depends on the league, pure and simple. There are some leagues in the London area that I wouldn't send my worst enemy to referee in, but others are really good. I went 15 consecutive Sunday morning adult games at Hackney Marshes without showing a single card after I dropped back down from L3, they just wanted to play football and let me get on with refereeing. Granted the 16th game was a total car crash, but I knew it would come to an end sooner rather than later.
 
RustyRef said:
Sundays is different to Saturdays, but not necessarily worse. As Big Cat has said, the problem with fairly senior Saturday football, so say step 7 and below, is the players are so close to the semi-pro game but can't quite get there. You therefore have the wannabees that can't get there and it isn't their fault, and the already-been-there's who have dropped back down. That almost certainly won't have been their fault either, and they will have been victimised by managers, team mates, and most likely referees who drove them away from that level. Absolutely nonsense of course, but that is what is in their heads. They can be a nightmare to manage, similar to when I was L3 refereeing at steps 3 and 4 and had to deal with players and coaches that had been at the top level. Jody Morris, Neil Shipperley and James Scowcroft are names that spring to mind, and I sent the latter off when he was playing for Bury St Edmonds.

Sundays depends on the league, pure and simple. There are some leagues in the London area that I wouldn't send my worst enemy to referee in, but others are really good. I went 15 consecutive Sunday morning adult games at Hackney Marshes without showing a single card after I dropped back down from L3, they just wanted to play football and let me get on with refereeing. Granted the 16th game was a total car crash, but I knew it would come to an end sooner rather than later.
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Very good post Rusty
Of course it varies from league to league (county to county and so on), but in my experience of playing (and to a lesser extent refereeing), the players are more likely to attack each other on Sundays, whereas it's the ref on the menu the day before
 
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