A&H

When to retire

C

ContinentalRef

New Member
Hi! I'd like to ask for your advice on quitting.

Here's a little background: I've been a referee for 17 years which has been a childhood dream for me. Now, I've reached a plateau in my career, having been a third division referee in my country for more than five years—which I think is not bad, but nothing exceptional. It seems that at 33, I won't be achieving the goals I set for myself when I started. I'm quite okay with this, and refereeing at this level still gives me the adrenaline rush I guess we're all addicted to. However, since I've slowly let go of my long-term goals, I've come to realize that I was able to tolerate the negative aspects of refereeing because I was aiming for a very optimistic, distant goal. If I remove that from the equation, putting up with the time and energy spent on training, packing, driving on the highway for hours, and dealing with the circumstances—not to mention how hard it is to recover after a challenging Sunday—seems much less worth it. I know I could still do it; I just don't want to be the guy whose performance and dedication start to decline and who doesn't realize he's becoming the parody of his former self as a referee. On the other hand, as great as free weekends seem right now, I'm worried about how I'll be able to fill the void. It's just hard to let go of something I've done for more than half of my life. I'm very interested in your opinions, especially if you've ever faced such issues, how you coped with burnout or retirement, and how you decided whether it was time to say goodbye.
 
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ContinentalRef said:
Hi! I'd like to ask for your advice on quitting.

Here's a little background: I've been a referee for 17 years which has been a childhood dream for me. Now, I've reached a plateau in my career, having been a third division referee in my country for more than five years—which I think is not bad, but nothing exceptional. It seems that at 33, I won't be achieving the goals I set for myself when I started. I'm quite okay with this, and refereeing at this level still gives me the adrenaline rush I guess we're all addicted to. However, since I've slowly let go of my long-term goals, I've come to realize that I was able to tolerate the negative aspects of refereeing because I was aiming for a very optimistic, distant goal. If I remove that from the equation, putting up with the time and energy spent on training, packing, driving on the highway for hours, and dealing with the circumstances—not to mention how hard it is to recover after a challenging Sunday—seems much less worth it. I know I could still do it; I just don't want to be the guy whose performance and dedication start to decline and who doesn't realize he's becoming the parody of his former self as a referee. On the other hand, as great as free weekends seem right now, I'm worried about how I'll be able to fill the void. It's just hard to let go of something I've done for more than half of my life. I'm very interested in your opinions, especially if you've ever faced such issues, how you coped with burnout or retirement, and how you decided whether it was time to say goodbye.
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When I decided to retire from refereeing (usually twice a week) I remained involved by mentoring, training and developing referees, and became a referee observer, which involves attending 2 or 3 matches a week
Thoroughly enjoy those aspects!
 
There's no right or wrong answer, it is very personal. I was operating at level 3, generally going reasonably well and getting decent games, but I had repeated injury problems. On one of these I needed knee surgery that kept me out for a few months, and initially to my surprise I wasn't missing refereeing in the slightest as I sat at home on Saturdays. This triggered all kinds of alarm bells as I should have been itching to get back, I eventually came back and did one game, didn't really enjoy it, and emailed my resignation to the FA that evening once I'd got home.

Once I'd woken up the morning after I then had a panic wondering if I'd done the right thing, but I absolutely had. I don't miss refereeing at that level in the slightest, and I can now pick and choose what I do, as well as doing observing and match day coaching. You have to assess your own situation and decide what is right for you.
 
ContinentalRef said:
Hi! I'd like to ask for your advice on quitting.

Here's a little background: I've been a referee for 17 years which has been a childhood dream for me. Now, I've reached a plateau in my career, having been a third division referee in my country for more than five years—which I think is not bad, but nothing exceptional. It seems that at 33, I won't be achieving the goals I set for myself when I started. I'm quite okay with this, and refereeing at this level still gives me the adrenaline rush I guess we're all addicted to. However, since I've slowly let go of my long-term goals, I've come to realize that I was able to tolerate the negative aspects of refereeing because I was aiming for a very optimistic, distant goal. If I remove that from the equation, putting up with the time and energy spent on training, packing, driving on the highway for hours, and dealing with the circumstances—not to mention how hard it is to recover after a challenging Sunday—seems much less worth it. I know I could still do it; I just don't want to be the guy whose performance and dedication start to decline and who doesn't realize he's becoming the parody of his former self as a referee. On the other hand, as great as free weekends seem right now, I'm worried about how I'll be able to fill the void. It's just hard to let go of something I've done for more than half of my life. I'm very interested in your opinions, especially if you've ever faced such issues, how you coped with burnout or retirement, and how you decided whether it was time to say goodbye.
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You must have loads to give as a mentor, coach and assessor and I hope that can be really rewarding for you.

I really enjoyed mentoring and observing when I was injured. But I realised I want to continue refereeing until I can’t run, then I will go back to helping others more.
 
@ContinentalRef I think Rusty hit the nail on the head. Take a break. Not just one week, or even two. A good long rest from it.

If after that time you aren't desperate to return. Maybe it is time to refocus your energy elsewhere.
 
OldNavyRef said:
@ContinentalRef I think Rusty hit the nail on the head. Take a break. Not just one week, or even two. A good long rest from it.

If after that time you aren't desperate to return. Maybe it is time to refocus your energy elsewhere.
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I think that is the key to everything, not just refereeing. Like the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder, being away from doing something you enjoy should make you feel more fondness for it, if you aren't missing it then serious questions have to be asked. Think of it like a trial separation from a partner, if you miss each other you'll probably give it another go, if you realise by being apart that you were never really right for each other that will be the end of it.
 
Feel similar myself at the moment. It's 15 years this month since I did the course, this is my eighth season at L4 and I feel like I'm never going to get promoted. I've been having recurring issues with my calf/knee/heel after suffering a minor calf tear a couple of years ago, and I'm on the waiting list for major heart surgery (although despite the heart and injury issues my fitness is as good or better than it's ever been). I will definitely keep going until whenever the surgery happens, unless it starts affecting me physically - whether I have the determination to get myself back up to where I am now post-surgery may well be the question!
 
I know I have been itching to get back every single time I have taken a break. In October, I had an incident in one of my games which massively knocked my confidence and had a massive fallout in the league due to sanctions required etc. I didn't miss it at all for a few weeks, but then by December I couldn't wait to get back. I have taken charge of 4 matches since then, and I have another one in the morning. It really is dependent on your personal circumstances etc. Just do what you feel is right.
 
Mentally I was torn, I would drive to games full of doubts and thinking why am I still doing this. When the game had started, the fog usually cleared and I zoned into the games. Then I would get home, sometimes spending several hours in the evening writing a report to justify the most blatant red card you had ever seen, which was still greeted with abuse and questioning of my abilities. Physically I was shot - the burning sensation in my knee for several days afterwards, a result of a skiing accident in my early 20s or likewise with my ankle - previously torn ankle ligaments on a plastic pitch become too much to tolerate on a weekly basis. I guess the defining moment I knew the time was right was having no choice but to red card a 15 year old in the last minute for doing a Luis Suarez/superman impression after the striker had gone round his keeper.

I missed the buzz at first and wondered if I was right to call it a day, but as the days passed, they turned in to weeks... and it's now nearly 6 years since I blew my last full time whistle and I can't say I miss it at all, especially when I hear tales of continued poor behaviour, agrevation and abuse from friends who's children now play on a regular basis. My knee and ankle still ache, more so in the cold or wet weather, but nothing close to how they felt after games...
 
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