True Story...


I'll Decide ...
I heard tell once, of an incident which (allegedly) took place around 15 years ago up near St James Park during a Newcastle United Training Session.
(Manager at the time) Sir Bobby Robson had joined the session late, and was making his way through the team changing room when he slipped on something. Looking down, to his horror, he saw that what he had slipped on was in fact a large turd which had been promptly curled down onto the changing room floor, presumably by one of his players.
Barely able to control his anger and disgust, he promptly marched out onto the training ground where Shearer and Co were busy warming up.
"Right, you tossers!" he exclaimed angrily. They all stopped moving and stood in a huddle staring at him in puzzlement.
He continued..... "Come on - own up. I want to know which one of you's sh** on the floor?!!"
The players stared back at him, none daring to say a word.
After a few seconds had passed, one or two heads began to turn towards a particular player, who after thinking about it for a minute, slowly raised his hand.
It was Duncan Ferguson.
"I am Boss", he said "but I'm not too bad in the air".

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I'll Decide ...
Dr Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr Rickson outside and kicked the sh** out of him..... :D


I'll Decide ...
My wife told me last night that she was leaving me because of my complete obsession with sixties pop band The Monkees.

At first I thought she was joking......

And then I saw her face........... :confused:


I'll Decide ...
My Mrs said she was bored and wanted a man in her life who was "funny, spontaneous and who would surprise her from time to time".

So how come when I put on my Clown uniform at midnight and sneak outside and tap on the window ...... it's all hysterics and screaming??!!

:confused: :p

Charlie Jones

Work Until You Don't Have To Introduce Yourself
my girlfriend said to me last night 'I've got a fat stomach, my face is getting wrinkles and I've got a sagging bum! babe, pay me a compliment please?'

I said 'your eye sights fantastic ...'


I said to my dad last night 'how much does it cost to get married?'

he said he'll let me know when he finishes paying ...

my girlfriend text me the another night 'come over, there's nobody home ...'

she was bloody right, nobody was home ...
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