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Mouthy player

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Louis Clarke

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Hi guys.
I referee the team same most weekends when they play at home. There's one player that gives me a lot of stick, not necessarily swear words but stuff like "Do your job ref"
"You're useless" "Are you watching the game?" Etc.
Whenever I try to talk to him he will usually walk away and say these things to me in an aggressive manner, funnily enough he will say these things even after I've awarded the foul to his team. My question is am I allowed to book him for words like this even though they aren't threatening or swear words?
Thanks.
 
The Referee Store
Louis, Hi there. Welcome to the forum.

I've got a question to ask before I repsond... why are you officiating the same team for pretty much all of their home games?

Secondly, it sounds like you've allowed him to get away with disrespecting you for a while, because of that, he carries on. The point where you have to ask yourself a question is when he is walking away from you. Why are you allowing him to do so?

When refereeing, it's just you. You are the one who is there to uphold the laws of the game. If these guys don't respect you and are seen to get away with it, they will continue.

If this player had made any of these comments towards me, my first action (depending on what was said) would be to have a word with the player and warn him of his conduct. Use the Captain at this point. If he does it again, caution him... if he tries his luck again, send him for an early shower.

How can these guys take you seriously when you aren't taking yourself seriously? That starts by being authoritive and decisive whilst taking the appropriate action when it is needed.
 
hi @Louis Clarke
quick answer to that is absolutely you can !
you could caution for dissent at the very least... and if it offends you , it could even stray into a (harsh) red...
what age group are we talking about btw?
but yes, i'd try what @DB suggests and call the player back to you,( dont be in a rush to get the game restarted if you arent comfortable with a situation) and if he doesnt respond then get the captain in . if its kids then speak to the manager... get him on a caution after a warning and see how he responds to that ...
 
Louis Clarke said:
Hi guys.
I referee the team same most weekends when they play at home. There's one player that gives me a lot of stick, not necessarily swear words but stuff like "Do your job ref"
"You're useless" "Are you watching the game?" Etc.
Whenever I try to talk to him he will usually walk away and say these things to me in an aggressive manner, funnily enough he will say these things even after I've awarded the foul to his team. My question is am I allowed to book him for words like this even though they aren't threatening or swear words?
Thanks.
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Yes! Definitely. I referee an academy every sunday they are at home, same age group etc. And the first game I had I really had a poor one, and it's exactly the same as you, same player every time!
 
Thanks for the replies everyone, The age group I Referee is u16's, I am only a few years older than them so it's a bit of a challenge for me, sometimes I feel like they take this for granted and that they can get away with shouting things etc because I'm a young referee, and to answer the first question I referee them every week as I'm friendly with their manager and have agreed to referee all their home games this season. Thanks for the advice in all the replies, I also referee u12's and Never have any problems, maybe once or twice. U16's is certainly my biggest challenge so far!
 
Maybe a change of scenery would be good for you Louis. I would certainly suggest being tougher on this player. Send a message out to him and the rest of the field that you are the one with the whistle and that you are to have Respect shown to you. As soon as these youngsters realise they can get away with talking to you in such a manner, they will continue. Usually at that age, an early caution can make things a bit easier for you.
 
DB said:
Maybe a change of scenery would be good for you Louis. I would certainly suggest being tougher on this player. Send a message out to him and the rest of the field that you are the one with the whistle and that you are to have Respect shown to you. As soon as these youngsters realise they can get away with talking to you in such a manner, they will continue. Usually at that age, an early caution can make things a bit easier for you.
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Thanks for your advice. I do feel like I am lenient because I often feel uncomfortable and intimidated (even though I am older a lot of them are still taller and bigger then me) and sometimes I know what I want to do or say but it just doesn't come out right or I don't have the confidence to do it at all. I do want to continue with this age group however, I just want to learn and be confident when refereeing
 
Louis, you need to get In touch with the league referee appointment officer and start getting other fixtures. If you don't know who it is your RDO should help.
 
Mintyref said:
Louis, you need to get In touch with the league referee appointment officer and start getting other fixtures. If you don't know who it is your RDO should help.
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I agree. Doing the same side almost every week will not aid in development at all.

@Louis Clarke , I'm 29 years old and only 5'6. I'm shorter than most of the people that I officiate, even when it comes to U16. They obviously put something in the water these days lol. The key to it is acting in many cases, particularly when you've only just started out. You're new to it all, you could be nervous or you just may not be used to being in a officious position.

Thinking time is very important. When you blow your whistle, if you need time to think... then use the tools available to you. If you need a bit of thinking time before you chat with a player, ask the captain to come over. That will give you a few seconds. If you need a little bit more thinking time, move to the side and ask the player to come towards you. If you are going to caution the player, pull your notepad out and write some notes or even just pretend to write things down. You are the sole timekeeper, the timings are down to you. Take all the time you need to think about the incident, how you are going to act and the actions you are going to take.

I definitely recommend getting away from this team for a while, maybe even start doing some adult games. Under 16's can be testing at times, as can open age. I would also recommend getting an FA Mentor or tutor down to watch you to give you some tips and pointers. That can be arranged through your RDO :)
 
Welcome to the forum Louis.

Mouthy players can be a challenge, especially given the relatively small age gap between you and the players. Out of interest do you card at this age group and if so, have you carded any of this players team mates?

Ref'd a particularly challenging player on regular occasions that played for my son's old team, no respect for authority, wants to argue every decision, constantly arguing with team mates, my dads the coach so I can do what I want etc. One particular game he was at his annoying worst due to being on the wrong end of a heavy score line and the usual world is against me chip on the shoulder attitude. After committing a fairly petty foul, I called him over, he ignored me and started to walk further away. I stood my ground, loud blast of my fox 40 and sternly called him back (loud enough that everyone in the area of the pitch could hear). He came back with his tail between his legs looking rather embarrassed! In the games I have ref'd since that he's played in, he's never tried it on with me again, possibly in part because of the public dressing down he got on the touchline from his coach (dad)/ & mum after the game in front of his team mates and the groveling apology they forced him to make. If anything, whenever he sees me refereeing one of his games now, he almost looks scared! :D

The comments that you mention should definitely be dealt with as it's dissent. The player is openly questioning your ability and authority as the referee. If players see him get away with it, they might try it on as well. Any player regardless of age who tells me to "do your job" or "blow the whistle" etc gets a talking to at the very least, usually along the lines of "I don't tell you how to kick the ball, don't tell me how to ref". The older they are, the sterner it is and depending on what and how it was said would probably be getting a card as well.

As others have suggested, try mixing your games up a bit to broaden your experience. By all means, continue refereeing for this team if you feel confident enough in dealing with this challenging player. If he or any other player speaks to you in this way, deal with it the first time, don't allow them to get away with it for most of the game then try to take action. Stamp it out early, either by the stepped approach (firm talking to, calling the captain, card etc) or if you feel the comment is serious enough, then card him straight away, making it clear to him and all the other players on the pitch that this kind of behaviour and disrespect will not be tolerated!

Good luck! :)
 
I started about 10 years ago just helping my sons team out (as some do), got qualified and moved away because its unhealthy reffing the same team too often. Initially though I did the same team fairly regular. (My sons team). Not so much mouthy but the managers grandson was the dirtiest git I have ever seen at 15-16 level. I sent him off 4 times and he was lemoned most games. The manager said I was picking on him, on numerous occasions, I wasn't, he was a dirty git, usually afters well after the ball had gone. The last one i remember very vividly, he was tackled fairly and the tackler ends up underneath him prone on his back with this legs straddling him. The ball had gone and the player tried to escape to get on with the game so he grabbed the bad players ankles whilst laid on his back. Dirty player didn't like being held from moving so released one leg and Donkey kicked back towards the players face, missed by millimetres, I had seen what was going on and saw what he'd done but no others did, including the Manager. I stopped play and shoved a straight red straight up his nose (again LOL)... Grandad went absolutely Ape, i was called allsorts,....biased, anti his team, ****e ref blah blah blah, I asked him to ask his grandson what he'd done!!!!!..... At half time, over he trudged, massive humble pie, massive apology.... I never reffed them ever again (a team that included my son).

Move away, get some experience elsewhere, learn your craft and when the penny drops go back and deal with this F****r properly... Enjoy and welcome...
 
In my meagre experience the serious - but not elite - 16-20 year-old teams are the worst for mouth. The games where I have acted on the first verbals are very clear - so much better - compared with a couple of times when I didn't. When the first mouth comes, if you don't think it warrants a yellow you can still call the player to you, have a word and cut the grass! Make the big sweeping hands so that everyone on both teams knows that cards come next. I think this is a great way to cool players down while giving yourself extra confidence.
 
Louis Clarke said:
Thanks for your advice. I do feel like I am lenient because I often feel uncomfortable and intimidated (even though I am older a lot of them are still taller and bigger then me) and sometimes I know what I want to do or say but it just doesn't come out right or I don't have the confidence to do it at all. I do want to continue with this age group however, I just want to learn and be confident when refereeing
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I'll be blunt Louis:

If the concept of being around bigger and physically competitive people intimidates and frightens you - then perhaps you should question whether or not football refereeing is for you? There. I've said it. ;)

Like most things, confidence in your demeanour and physical presence comes with age and experience coupled with a sound knowledge of the LOTG. If you don't feel you have this (and clearly you don't based on what you've posted) then it's time to get in touch with your RDO and discuss ways to move forward. Sounds to me like you need to:

1. Get yourself some mentoring.
2. Take time out to watch other referees (of around the same age as yourself or older) a lot more regularly rather than just anxiously doing your own matches week in week out. Perhaps try watching how one or two others referee this team and this player of yours and see how he responds to them. ;)
3. Gird your loins and make a personal promise to yourself to ensure proper match control and boost your own self esteem. (I'll resist the urge to say "man up" :D )

Changing teams may make the problem going away in the short term mate, but the issue is clearly one of your own qualities and traits as a referee - it's that which you need to address. Help is out there - you just have to want it badly enough. :)
 
Louis Clarke said:
Hi guys.
I referee the team same most weekends when they play at home. There's one player that gives me a lot of stick, not necessarily swear words but stuff like "Do your job ref"
"You're useless" "Are you watching the game?" Etc.
Whenever I try to talk to him he will usually walk away and say these things to me in an aggressive manner, funnily enough he will say these things even after I've awarded the foul to his team. My question is am I allowed to book him for words like this even though they aren't threatening or swear words?
Thanks.
Click to expand...

"Do your job ref"- might get away with a public bollocking
"You're useless" - caution every single day of the week
"Are you watching the game?" - quiet word/public bollocking
Walking away - might get a loud warning that if he doesnt get his arse over pronto he will be cautioned (but if he's been a dick all game I'll just go straight for the card - which he will coming back to me to recieve or second caution it is)
Talk to me in an aggressive manner - only decision is what colour the card will be. MINIMUM caution
 
Hi again guys,
Thanks for all your comments and replies, reading them this morning has helped me a lot.

I feel as if I didn't explain myself too well through seeing 1 or 2 comments, I am confident and do have confidence in myself, and I enjoy being a referee. I feel I referee games well and take control, but sometimes like the incident I described I do not take too well to players not listening or walking away and giving me abuse and it was good to hear advice from experienced referees of how to take on and deal with these situations.

I am very grateful for the advice, and I feel reading it has helped me gain confidence in how to deal with these situations properly, I feel as if I am more prepared to take control of the players when they act like this, and knowing what to do now has certainly increased my knowledge.
I am refereeing this team again this weekend and they are playing their B team in a Cup match, and then the following week they play each other again in the league, so I will be sure to give you guys an update on how these matches go, and more importantly how I deal with the matches, thanks to everyone for the help again, it's good to hear what fellow referees have to say :)
 
Louis , the best piece of advice from this thread concerns getting a mentor along to watch you. Good luck
 
We've all f#%}{d up games by not doing the right thing as inexperienced referees. As your experience lengthens you'll learn what works and what doesn't, it's very brave to come on here and ask for advice from complete unknowns. You seem to understand you had frailties, nows the time to seek further help and take the next step. Good luck
 
Louis, firstly in your pre-match chat make it clear you won't be taking any dissent during the game, first time he moans pump up your chest, be confident call him over and say this is for your dissent and hit him with a caution, if he walks away call him back and tell him in no uncertain terms that you won't tolerate his behaviour. If he says something as he walks away loud whistle call him back and second caution followed by red. You need to take control otherwise you will start to lose games allowing it.

Greatest thing to hear as a ref is when you step out of the car is for them to go 'oh cxap, it's him, we better behave today' then you know you have made it as a ref!
 
As others have said get someone along to watch your games. The county RDO will be able to assist with that. You mention that you have this team against their B Team this week and next, if my experience tells me anything then these games will be worse than the norm because they are against people they are potentially competing for squad places with and the B Team will definitely want to beat their so called better peers.

On the issue of the player who keeps walking away. One possible scenario would be to tell him, or call his captain over and tell him, that until he comes back to you for whatever punishment you deem necessary the game doesn't continue. It doesn't always work, but at that level, when kids just want to play football its amazing how quickly they rally round and help out.
 
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