I don't think i can do it

[Sheffields Finest]

I personally think something a bit more constructive would be a lot more helpful

He speaks truths, it isn’t for everyone

 

[alexv]

He speaks truths, it isn’t for everyone

It isn’t very helpful though. Instead of saying that, I think it’s best to give examples of how to be more sure of yourself, things to help, etc

 

[Kes]

It isn’t very helpful though. Instead of saying that, I think it’s best to give examples of how to be more sure of yourself, things to help, etc

I don't have a psychology degree any more than I guess you have young man.
Instead of being critical of my post, perhaps you could offer up some more "coping mechanisms" as recommended by your mum or tell him to ignore the truth - even if it's staring him plainly in the face.
Fact is, the world doesn't run on feelings fella. Nature is red in tooth and claw and sometimes you just have to consider the fact that you just can't be what you want to be. Your generation hasn't been taught that. Deal with it.

 

[alexv]

I don't have a psychology degree any more than I guess you have young man.
Instead of being critical of my post, perhaps you could offer up some more "coping mechanisms" as recommended by your mum or tell him to ignore the truth - even if it's staring him plainly in the face.
Fact is, the world doesn't run on feelings fella. Nature is red in tooth and claw and sometimes you just have to consider the fact that you just can't be what you want to be. Your generation hasn't been taught that. Deal with it.

How have you managed to turn this into a generational thing? I’m just saying, although your point may have truth in it, it offers no help at all. Instead of just saying ‘man up’, offer something that you’ve done to develop thick skin. Also, I did suggest ways to prevent dwelling on things

 

[Kes]

How have you managed to turn this into a generational thing? I’m just saying, although your point may have truth in it, it offers no help at all. Instead of just saying ‘man up’, offer something that you’ve done to develop thick skin. Also, I did suggest ways to prevent dwelling on things

My skin was always thick due to my nature and upbringing. I could no sooner coach our erstwhile friend on how to attain one than I could coach someone who'd just taken up hang gliding to not fear heights.

 

[Kes]

How have you managed to turn this into a generational thing?

Yeah. Apologies. I sometimes can't help that. My son is 19 and I'm a bit of a cynic.

 

[jofusref]

Man up!!
If you don't have the personality and/or the confidence for it then ask yourself if refereeing really is for you mate
very helpfull

 

[Sheffields Finest]

Yeah. Apologies. I sometimes can't help that. My son is 19 and I'm a bit of a cynic.

Too much Cider and bad fashion choices

 

[Big Cat]

We do have to be honest with ourselves
The doubts expressed by @ScottishRF OP were convincing. All things being equal, the bad experience is highly likely to be on 'repeat chance'
Intensive mentoring or running the line under the wing of an understanding ref might help, otherwise returning to refereeing at some point in the future may be the best option

 

[Rowanmano]

Man up!!
If you don't have the personality and/or the confidence for it then ask yourself if refereeing really is for you mate.

Could say something a bit more supportive mate

 

[socal lurker]

Man up!!
If you don't have the personality and/or the confidence for it then ask yourself if refereeing really is for you mate.

I'm going to dissent a bit here, though the question is not entirely unfair. I have seen referees who started with confidence issues who have grown into solid referees with time and mentoring. It is obviously easier for those who start if they have a confident personality--but sometimes that is an impediment to growth, as they think they know it already.

So I think the question for @ScottishRF , is more "do you want to put the effort into developing that confidence and thicker skin?" If you want to, you probably can--and there have been some good suggestions on getting from here to there. But @Kes is right that it may be harder and may require you to spends some significant time out of your comfort zone to get there.

 

[Kes]

@jofusref And you need to learn how to use the quote facilty on here properly mate.

 

[Kes]

Could say something a bit more supportive mate

Alex has already covered that one.
I'll just go with honesty today.

 

[GraemeS]

Being a **** is being a ****. You can call it honesty and blame other generations all you like, but none of that changes the fact that someone has come onto the new referee forum asking for help and you've been a **** to them. When it was entirely possible to just do nothing.

 

[Kes]

Being a **** is being a ****. You can call it honesty and blame other generations all you like, but none of that changes the fact that someone has come onto the new referee forum asking for help and you've been a **** to them. When it was entirely possible to just do nothing.

In much the same way that it was entirely possible for you to just do nothing but yet chose to instead come on here a day late and slag me off.
I've noticed the disdain you appear to have for me in the past. You couldn't resist could you? You've sounded the death knell for this thread and can go on my ignore list like you did on Miley's. Gobsheeite.

 

[Yampy]

Went on mine ages ago. Makes the forum a lot better.

 

[Mintyref]

Being a **** is being a ****. You can call it honesty and blame other generations all you like, but none of that changes the fact that someone has come onto the new referee forum asking for help and you've been a **** to them. When it was entirely possible to just do nothing.

And a touch of old fashioned honesty without gilding the lily can also be bloody good advice........man up (or should that be person up) is pretty much spot on, on this occasion.....

 

[Sheffields Finest]

Can someone let me know when telling home truths was shunned and the backside wiping brigade took over. I stood toe to toe with my chargehand in engineering as an apprentice and he made feel minuscule and worthless back in the day, yes, he was a £&@“, but that hard nosed and high expectation advice he was orating served me well for years to come. My sons 27 now and only just becoming a man, I’ve pinned him up against the wall many times and told him how it is and how it should be, sadly he goes to the gym now and would easily out strength me now lol.
People can take advice all ways, some MUFC players reacted to Fergies way, some didn’t and quickly learned his way or the highway... it takes all sorts!

 

[alexv]

Can someone let me know when telling home truths was shunned and the backside wiping brigade took over. I stood toe to toe with my chargehand in engineering as an apprentice and he made feel minuscule and worthless back in the day, yes, he was a £&@“, but that hard nosed and high expectation advice he was orating served me well for years to come. My sons 27 now and only just becoming a man, I’ve pinned him up against the wall many times and told him how it is and how it should be, sadly he goes to the gym now and would easily out strength me now lol.
People can take advice all ways, some MUFC players reacted to Fergies way, some didn’t and quickly learned his way or the highway... it takes all sorts!

I just think the reason it doesn’t sit well is because the comment didn’t really give any help. It was a blunt statement which didn’t offer the advice the OP was looking for. Personally, I think being harsh and tough does have its place and I know it has helped me before, but in this case, it wasn’t helpful

 

[Sheffields Finest]

I just think the reason it doesn’t sit well is because the comment didn’t really give any help. It was a blunt statement which didn’t offer the advice the OP was looking for. Personally, I think being harsh and tough does have its place and I know it has helped me before, but in this case, it wasn’t helpful

Yes it did, it offered advice that reffing isn’t for everyone, or words to that effect