The end of the road?

[Matthew]

Not really sure what the point of this thread is, but over the last few weeks I've come to the conclusion that I may have reached the natural end of my refereeing career.

I started at 14, which will make this my 17th season, and give or take a few months here and there with injuries I've been refereeing continuously for most of that time. I did briefly referee open age, which I really didn't enjoy, but for the most part I've reffed youth (league and academy) football and despite the low moments I've generally really enjoyed it. I've been in the middle and on the line for numerous cup finals and even had the pleasure of cautioning Paul Scholes in a charity match (a personal highlight as a City fan ), but over the last couple of years I've found that I've been enjoying matches less and less.

There's a few factors at play here, but to give a snapshot It feels as though player and spectator behaviour is at an all time low and I've also experienced a real lack of support from the FA over the years (particularly after I was assaulted). The weather has also been awful this year which has meant my matches have been sporadic and that I've never felt like I've had the "rhythm" (positioning not quite right, not quite feeling match fit etc). All of this combined has just drained any enthusiasm or enjoyment for being in the middle.

I have a stressful job with long hours that limits my availability, so I can't commit the time to perhaps moving to OA and going for promotion, and equally it means that I can't travel out of the area to try some new teams/leagues, so it feels like I may have just reached a natural end.

It's never been about the money for me and the reality is that if the enjoyment has gone I need to question what I'm bothering for?

I've genuinely loved refereeing over the years, so if anyone has any suggestions as to how I could get the enjoyment back, or even stay involved in some capacity, I'd really welcome them.

 

[RefRyanAus]

Hi Matthew, it is always sad to hear of a long term but otherwise fit and healthy referee contemplating leaving the game. However, it is also understandable. As much as being a referee can be enjoyable it does involve many challenges and some sacrifices as you have highlighted. Have you contemplated taking a break for a season? Alternatively, I wonder whether you might be a good candidate for mentoring new / younger referees given that most of your experience is in youth football? This could occur formally or informally and would be something new and different from the usual fare. It also sounds like there is a bit of stress in your life at the moment and lots of competing demands. We can’t give all of ourselves to everything and maybe a break from refereeing will give you space to think about what it brings (or takes) from your life and whether you want to continue at this time. Of course sometimes things also just reach a natural end and we feel ready to move on. This is fine too. Whatever you ultimately decide to do, please take care of yourself. 17 years is a long gig and you should feel proud of the commitment, perseverance and resilience you have shown over your refereeing career.

 

[JamesL]

Hi Matthew, it is always sad to hear of a long term but otherwise fit and healthy referee contemplating leaving the game. However, it is also understandable. As much as being a referee can be enjoyable it does involve many challenges and some sacrifices as you have highlighted. Have you contemplated taking a break for a season? Alternatively, I wonder whether you might be a good candidate for mentoring new / younger referees given that most of your experience is in youth football? This could occur formally or informally and would be something new and different from the usual fare. It also sounds like there is a bit of stress in your life at the moment and lots of competing demands. We can’t give all of ourselves to everything and maybe a break from refereeing will give you space to think about what it brings (or takes) from your life and whether you want to continue at this time. Of course sometimes things also just reach a natural end and we feel ready to move on. This is fine too. Whatever you ultimately decide to do, please take care of yourself. 17 years is a long gig and you should feel proud of the commitment, perseverance and resilience you have shown over your refereeing career.

End of thread.

Couldn't really have put it much better myself other than suggesting observing as a way to remain involved without the stress. County FA's are desperate for observers to help those on promotion pathways and you lose all the stress that comes with the middleing.

 

[Kent Ref]

Not really sure what the point of this thread is, but over the last few weeks I've come to the conclusion that I may have reached the natural end of my refereeing career.

I started at 14, which will make this my 17th season, and give or take a few months here and there with injuries I've been refereeing continuously for most of that time. I did briefly referee open age, which I really didn't enjoy, but for the most part I've reffed youth (league and academy) football and despite the low moments I've generally really enjoyed it. I've been in the middle and on the line for numerous cup finals and even had the pleasure of cautioning Paul Scholes in a charity match (a personal highlight as a City fan ), but over the last couple of years I've found that I've been enjoying matches less and less.

There's a few factors at play here, but to give a snapshot It feels as though player and spectator behaviour is at an all time low and I've also experienced a real lack of support from the FA over the years (particularly after I was assaulted). The weather has also been awful this year which has meant my matches have been sporadic and that I've never felt like I've had the "rhythm" (positioning not quite right, not quite feeling match fit etc). All of this combined has just drained any enthusiasm or enjoyment for being in the middle.

I have a stressful job with long hours that limits my availability, so I can't commit the time to perhaps moving to OA and going for promotion, and equally it means that I can't travel out of the area to try some new teams/leagues, so it feels like I may have just reached a natural end.

It's never been about the money for me and the reality is that if the enjoyment has gone I need to question what I'm bothering for?

I've genuinely loved refereeing over the years, so if anyone has any suggestions as to how I could get the enjoyment back, or even stay involved in some capacity, I'd really welcome them.

I feel like this sometimes.

I say "i'm retiring" in May but come August i have a change of heart.

I've been reffing over 30 years now but the decline in behaviour / standards is irreversible and i worry about the future of football / reffing in my local area.

Don't do anything hasty.

 

[Gamespoiler]

I feel like this every weekend and the weather this year has contributed to that. Getting home, soaked, absolutely freezing, totally fed up due to the antics of players/coaches/parents (I never did like going to a zoo) so know where you’re coming from. But, the alternative is a sit and rot or get assigned multiple diy jobs that I’ve never quite had the time to do. Like you, I don’t do it for the money but I make sure I use the money on a feel good thing. Nothing better than having that first beer on holiday with hard earned ref fee and saying Yamas to a particular awkward coach or player. Works for me, hope you find your own motivation

 

[socal lurker]

I ref almost entirely as a volunteer (AYSO in the US is a wholly volunteer organization, which is mostly what I do), so I also don’t do it at all for the money. I have ebbs and flows where the frustrations outweigh the benefits—which for me are the giving back to the game, watching the players, the camaraderie and helping newer refs (we do three man on almost everything), exercise. Take a break, see how you feel, and you may get the urge to go back. I’ve had a few times I thought about calling it quits, but I keep coming back after a bit of a break.

 

[Darren83]

I got back into refereeing in 2019 and mainly referee local junior league and I have done some senior games if I have been available .

I am not looking to progress beyond grassroots football and I was accepting senior games to ' help out ' even though I didn't really enjoy them. I last did a senior game in September and I just thought sod it no more senior games so I make myself unavailable on the app and say no if asked directly.

I continue to do the junior league as that was my main motive to getting back involved and I have got to know some good people along the way though after this years u16s they'll have all finished. I'm going to see out the last remaining fixtures see how I feel and I'll probably register for another season and see how it goes.

Congratulations on refereeing for the amount of time you have

 

[Big Cat]

Not really sure what the point of this thread is, but over the last few weeks I've come to the conclusion that I may have reached the natural end of my refereeing career.

I started at 14, which will make this my 17th season, and give or take a few months here and there with injuries I've been refereeing continuously for most of that time. I did briefly referee open age, which I really didn't enjoy, but for the most part I've reffed youth (league and academy) football and despite the low moments I've generally really enjoyed it. I've been in the middle and on the line for numerous cup finals and even had the pleasure of cautioning Paul Scholes in a charity match (a personal highlight as a City fan ), but over the last couple of years I've found that I've been enjoying matches less and less.

There's a few factors at play here, but to give a snapshot It feels as though player and spectator behaviour is at an all time low and I've also experienced a real lack of support from the FA over the years (particularly after I was assaulted). The weather has also been awful this year which has meant my matches have been sporadic and that I've never felt like I've had the "rhythm" (positioning not quite right, not quite feeling match fit etc). All of this combined has just drained any enthusiasm or enjoyment for being in the middle.

I have a stressful job with long hours that limits my availability, so I can't commit the time to perhaps moving to OA and going for promotion, and equally it means that I can't travel out of the area to try some new teams/leagues, so it feels like I may have just reached a natural end.

It's never been about the money for me and the reality is that if the enjoyment has gone I need to question what I'm bothering for?

I've genuinely loved refereeing over the years, so if anyone has any suggestions as to how I could get the enjoyment back, or even stay involved in some capacity, I'd really welcome them.

It's been a long season. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Just take a rest, things will probably feel different come August

 

[OldNavyRef]

Not really sure what the point of this thread is, but over the last few weeks I've come to the conclusion that I may have reached the natural end of my refereeing career.

I started at 14, which will make this my 17th season, and give or take a few months here and there with injuries I've been refereeing continuously for most of that time. I did briefly referee open age, which I really didn't enjoy, but for the most part I've reffed youth (league and academy) football and despite the low moments I've generally really enjoyed it. I've been in the middle and on the line for numerous cup finals and even had the pleasure of cautioning Paul Scholes in a charity match (a personal highlight as a City fan ), but over the last couple of years I've found that I've been enjoying matches less and less.

There's a few factors at play here, but to give a snapshot It feels as though player and spectator behaviour is at an all time low and I've also experienced a real lack of support from the FA over the years (particularly after I was assaulted). The weather has also been awful this year which has meant my matches have been sporadic and that I've never felt like I've had the "rhythm" (positioning not quite right, not quite feeling match fit etc). All of this combined has just drained any enthusiasm or enjoyment for being in the middle.

I have a stressful job with long hours that limits my availability, so I can't commit the time to perhaps moving to OA and going for promotion, and equally it means that I can't travel out of the area to try some new teams/leagues, so it feels like I may have just reached a natural end.

It's never been about the money for me and the reality is that if the enjoyment has gone I need to question what I'm bothering for?

I've genuinely loved refereeing over the years, so if anyone has any suggestions as to how I could get the enjoyment back, or even stay involved in some capacity, I'd really welcome them.

Could always go into management.

Quite often managers telling me they are ex referees. They usually start off super friendly and turn feral. Then at full time give me a speech on how I've let the refereeing community down and start trying to get all bookings knocked off due to technicalities.

But I think they are happy.

 

[FinalWhistle]

over the last few weeks I've come to the conclusion that I may have reached the natural end of my refereeing career.

It sounds to me like this is the case.

As we get older, the challenges of tasks and hobbies that we enjoy start to overwhelm them to the point where it's no longer enjoyable, becoming a significant stress point and it's time to move on. Being a ref is definitely not an easy task and I think the physical and verbal abuse that you're getting is really killing it off for you, along with difficulty in achieving match fitness and lack of time.

I'm not stating this as an absolute and only you know the precise details of how you feel, but I think you shouldn't feel too bad about moving on if that's how you feel deep down.

 

[george.g]

It’s worth saying that refereeing will always wait for you. The end of it for a few years isn’t the end of it forever.

 

[Matthew]

Thank you everyone for the helpful and thoughtful responses!

It's good to know that there are options out there, and I'll perhaps explore observing as a way to stay involved. It feels like the right time to step away from the middle, but equally it may be that I get to August/September and the itch comes back (suppose it depends how quickly I get bored of a Saturday morning lie in ).

 

[lincs22]

@Matthew Looking back on my life, I only have one real regret which was quitting refereeing in the mid-90's. Wasn't enjoying, but then became involved in a club and lost the enthusiasm for local football. Now, I wished I had taken a few months off and then gone again.

Think about it over the summer, and see if you want to continue. If not mentoring could be your way forward. Young referees have to learn on youth football, and there are always new referees struggling / wanting help advice. Your years of service would be invaluable to them and your RDO.

 

[Kes]

It’s worth saying that refereeing will always wait for you. The end of it for a few years isn’t the end of it forever.

Exactly what I was going to say. ^ ^ ^

Do what feels right. If after a few months or so you feel like it's left a hole in your life, then either fill it with a new pursuit or come back to your old one.

I myself have only been refereeing 13 years but my body is starting to tell me that at 58 years young, I should perhaps be thinking of drawing down and just concentrating on observing only, which has brought me to the conclusion that next season will be my final one on-field. Slightly different reasons to yours @Matthew but I guess when you know, you know.

As already stated though, a break can be as good as a change, so never say never!!

Good luck, whatever path you choose ...