A man walks into a bar…. and sees a tiny little man the size of an old wine bottle next to him sitting on the shelf playing a tiny little piano. The man asks the barman where the tiny man and piano came from. The barman says the genie in the old wine bottle gave it to him as grant a wish. He can have one too.
The man robs the old wine bottle and sure enough a genie pops out saying I will grant you a wish. The man says I want a million bucks. The genie snaps his fingers and there are duck all over the place. The man tells he barman, I didn’t ask for a million ducks!!!! The barman says, did you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?
The wife asked the tattooist to put her two Bee tattoos on the base of her back...
When she came came she bent over and asked me if I liked it... I had a quick look and said to her 'who the **** is BOB?'
The manager of a certain struggling Sheffield football team was Portugese, very strict and wouldn't stand any nonsense.
Last week, he caught two fans climbing over the stadium wall at the back of the Kop. He grabbed them and said: "You, get back in there and watch the game until it finishes like the rest of us!"